No too penises look alike as documented in Betty's sketches.
Not all penises and vaginas are a good fit. Fingers and tongues work just fine.
I'd say a man who has good hands and knows how to kiss above and below will win out over a big dick any day.
The best answer I have is to just speak up, open your mouth and let the words come out.
There are also some women who naturally have deep vaginas.
You can do penis stretching and bringing blood into Mr. Happy along with having regular orgasms through masturbation for sexual pleasure and health.
Women rarely orgasm from a penis alone, get my book "Orgasms for Two" and read up on all the other ways to share orgasms with a partners.
As we age, gravity takes a toll and things do shrink or appear to be smaller.
For the most part, this is considered normal.