Dealing with Extreme Vaginal Pain & My Clitoris Feels Dead

Profile picture for user Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson

Hi Betty or Carlin or just anyone who could help,

I'm suffering!!!

I wrote you before when I first got diagnosed with my vaginal prolapse. and I just wanted to say thank you for the help, but im still so alone and lost. and that wasnt even part of my stupid problems it was just a bump on my horribly paved road. more and more problems keep stacking up and Im in pain and suffering to the point where I dont want to even know what to do. I just feel destroyed and broken. I could really just use some kind of help.

I'm only 24, and I live in an area when anything medical dealing with the vagina is kind of just laughed about and not taken seriously. I have been to almost all the ob doctors in town, urologists, chiropractors and even one doctor 6 hours away that was just a dermatologist.

I was told my prolapse was not serious by my general doctor and the urologist and pelvic floor therapy could help it until I am older, then we will start discussing surgery. but they cant help me with any of my other symptoms. and they look at me like im some kind of a mental patient when i sob in their office. Ive even read one of my doctors reports and my heart broke because I felt like my nurse mocked me and didn’t take it serious in the notes.

my symptoms started nearly 6 months ago now and have only gotten worse. I don’t think there is a cure either. It took a while to first catch it and decide I needed professional help and it took guts to go in and get it but I’ve lost absolutely all feel good sexual feeling. My clitoris just feels dead. I cant feel a tickle pressure or anything at all. Im going on 6 months of this and im struggling. Google had me afraid I wont ever find a cure. Ive found women on there who experienced what I am and it sounds like they never healed or found a cure either. And this is bad to admit but I just cant see myself going on with this if its life long. I feel like I am damaged goods, I get jealous even just talking to my mother or grandmother ( who are in their 50s and 70s and still enjoying wonderful sex ) and I just HATE myself right now no matter what I do or try.

It wasn’t always like this and it just gradually got worse over time. It started, 11 months ago I had my 2nd child and i seemed to snap back quickly, sex was fun with my husband and even though i was tired and a little depressed I felt good doing it and it was a wonderful stress reliever. Around the time she was 4 months old i noticed a decrease in vaginal and clitoral sensitivity and i didn't think anything of it, or that i would ever get to this point. I just turned up the vibration on my favorite toy and had at it. until one day I lost all the feeling. at first i thought maybe I over stimulated myself. A few days went on and nothing... now months have gone on and still no feeling in my clitoris what so ever. I first went to the doctor and did blood tests and at 1st it came back low testosterone, so i was referred back to my ob but he said they didnt have anything to treat it that was fda approved and i was put on an anti depressant and estrogen cream. I used both and still got nothing besides an extremely wet feeling.

He also sent me to pelvic floor therapy because I jumped off the table and cried during an exam and wouldn’t let him use a speculum it just hurt so bad!!! My Pt told me my muscles down there were tight and spasming so I religiously am going to pf therapy. Then while doing therapy I got a horrible yeast infection so I had to take a break for about a week. I went to the oncall OB doctor, balling, told him everything I was going through, then he broke my heart even worse and told me it could be lichen sclerosus: he didn’t biopsy it,or look down there and I was given a clibatosol cream that upset me even more and a diflucan pill.

When I went home I was appalled to think I have a horrible disease and could be in so much pain so I grabed a mirror and took a look down there and oddly found a weird bulge under my urethra that I know wasn’t there last time I looked ( when I had my stitches from labor ) I called up my regular doctor, went in and it was mild prolapse and the diflucan still didn’t take away my yeast infection. She told me to stay in my therapy and it would help and she didn’t think it needed surgery yet. I was also still burning and so uncomfortable my skin was cracking and bleeding at this point. It hurt to sit!

So my pt pushed me to find a dermatologist. I called insurance and they sent me to a doctor 6 hours away to have it looked at, she told me no it wasn’t Lichen Sclerosis, and i needed to try a biote hormone replacement therapy. My biggest thing is Ive had the run around, im sore and don’t even feel like ill ever be sexual again and she says this just might help everything, but is it to good to be true? Ive been through hell and back with this and I almost feel like ive given up hope.

Ive been tested for everything, poked with needles , had x rays, ct scans,mris, chemicals pumped into my system, tried creams pills and almost everything to try to feel better. And nothing has helped.

Ive also done yoga, kegals, stretching, elimination diets and religiously stuck to therapy, 3 times a week. Its been nearly 6 months and nothings changed besides now I have thousands or dollars in doctors bills and ive lost hope.

I feel alone. I know this sound dramatic because when i tried telling my doctor about it i was told i was just being “dramatic” and its ok if I never get feeling back but I just feel like I lost a huge part of who I was and a huge part of my relationship. losing this has just killed me inside and i am just so lost i cant imagine going on for years or the rest of my life like this.

Please, what can I do to bring myself back. can you recommend doctors who might know how to deal with complete clitoral loss or anything Im going through? Have you ever heard of anyone completely losing feeling there? I don’t feel normal at all but is there hope for this situation? I'm so sorry if this doesnt make since but i just cant keep it together anymore, even while writing this. what do i do?


Dear C,

What you can do is get away from doctors and the medical establishment. STOP. Every time you see another specialist, you get another problem from some stupid medication and no solution. I repeat STOP IT!

At 24 you have two children and have been married how long? Now they have given you estrogen and put you on anti depressants when your testosterone was low. The antidepressant alone is a problem as it is known to inhibit orgasm. First lets look at how you use your vibrator. You cannot bear down to get more feeling as it simply numbs out the clitoris. Did you use any lubrication? Start with a nice vulva massage with an organic massage oil? Did you have a fantasy in mind?. Some quiet time to masturbate? Where the hell is your husband in all of this? What kind of support are you getting from him?

Have your Mom and Grandmother look after your children and you take a week off to some yoga retreat where you can meditate and be quiet. Simple diet. No meds. Rest. Pull yourself together. Forget about your damn clitoris thinking that it's dead. No sex and no masturbation. You're using sex to torture yourself. Become a celibate priestess for a week or two.

Tight pelvic floor muscles can be corrected. A prolapsed uterus can also be dealt with quite easily. But your mental state of utter despair only you can correct. You cannot go into a doctors office and bawl your eyes out and expect them to under stand what you are feeling. First of all, doctors rarely know anything about sex. It's not part of their training. The pelvic floor therapists can help. Also get a woman friend you can talk to, and again I ask, where is your husband in all of this? And stop being so dramatic! You could use a girlfriend or two. But no more doctors or meds. OK?

Dr. Betty