Why Can't I Let My Boyfriend Go Down on Me?

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Betty Dodson


I guess my question is more body image-related than anything. Whenever my boyfriend (of ~11 months) tries to go down on me, I get really uncomfortable and sort of push him away. I love him and I know he just wants to please me, but there's a part of me that thinks he doesn't really enjoy it. I probably sound crazy saying that! I like to think that I'm pretty comfortable with my body (I masturbate frequently & love my physique), but I don't want to put him off by being too hairy/strange-looking/what-have-you. I just don't want to change myself, even for him, but the thing is, he offers to do it.

It's also an intimacy issue. I would rather see his face while we're having alone time, not have it buried in my nether regions! I've told him this, and he accepts my opinion, but I think he's hurt whenever I tell him not to do it.

Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to be unhappy? As a few side notes, we're 17 and both virgins (we have agreed, albeit reluctantly, not to have sex for a while).


Dear PP,

It would be nice if you were more accepting of your vulva as a place of beauty and power. One way to overcome your reservations would be to let your BF give you a new vulva hair style. At least trimmed or shaped a bit. See it as a game you both play together.

I also support your decision to wait before "going all the way" with penetration sex, especially if you haven't mastered some form of birth control. By the way, you and your boyfriend are already having sex, it's just not the procreative kind with his penis inside your vagina which rarely end with an orgasm for most women.

So continue to enjoy your masturbation, shared manual and oral sex along with lots of kissing and hugging.

Dr. Betty

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