Should I Tell My First Lover That I'm a Virgin?

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Betty Dodson

Dear Betty & Carlin

This is going to be an extended story, but I will try to keep it as short as possible, cause I know you have more to do. I grew up in a christian family and was surrounded by 'good' (moral) people, never doing anything wrong, no sex, no drugs, not even a hangover. I always felt like this was not a personal choice and now that I am living at a different place and have more mixed friends (with different morals) I more and more discover the 'real' me. But my old life is the reason I find myself ending up at the age of 24 and still a virgin (you would not call it that way, since I do masturbate).

Recently i discovered I don't care about all this crap of 'only one partner' or waiting for the one. He did not show up yet (or she, I think at least sexually I am bisexual) so I want to start enjoying my life. But I am terribly scared of telling anyone about my real situation, it is easy to lie about this in a conversation, but it will show in the bedroom.

What should i do? I found more then one guy I am interested in having sex with, and they are not virgins (which is a plus, right?) but is hiding the truth pathetic (or silly?). Because being a virgin doesn't mean so much to me, let's say it is more a consequence of false assumptions than a deliberate choice. What do you suggest me to do? I don't have many friends to discuss this with, one half of them are extremely serious and the other half doesn't know that I am still a virgin. Many thanks, love your works!!


Dear E,

I love the expression "We are only as sick as our secrets." That doesn't mean you have to announce to everyone you haven't had sex with a partner yet, but the guy you decide to do it with has a right to know this will be your first time.

Also you need to be the one to penetrate your vagina the first time. Carve a dildo out of a zucchini and slowly with a lot of massage oil ease it inside after you've done some serious clit stim and are turned on. Check out my essay on "First Time Penetration" under Sex Features.

Just so you know, even if the guy you pick has had sex with many girls that does not mean he'll know what to do or that he'll be good in bed. Some of us are lucky to find someone who is skilled but don't count on it. Eventually you will come to understand what you like and how you like to have intercourse and then you'll teach him. Let me know how it goes. Remember to have your birth control managed so you can enjoy the experience!

Dr. Betty

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