If I Met Him in a Fetish Club, Does He Have a STD?

Profile picture for user Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

First, thank you. You have helped me so much over the years.

I am 30. I am in a situation in which I have no idea what to do. I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago, and the sex is amazing. We connect on so many levels, though he has not verbally 'locked it down' into a monogamous relationship. I am traveling right now, and went to a fetish club. Wow. I met a man there and we danced. There was a lot of kissing and intimate touching. I felt something special and I am drawn in. He has offered to meet in private before I go. My first thought was 'yes', but then my friend told me how dangerous this is because he goes to fetish clubs and probably has an STD. Is this true, or stigmatizing a community?

Another friend told me I could get HIV from oral sex if I have a cut in my mouth. Is this true? I don't necessarily want penetrative sex, but other sensual experiences I am curious about. I have always been in long term relationships, so this would be my first strictly-sexual encounter. I don't want penetrative sex also because I do really like this other guy I have just started to see.

My questions are: 1. How dangerous is this situation, how should I approach it? and,

2. How should I approach this situation to both the man I want to encounter, and to the man I have been seeing for 2 months?

Thank you Betty.

Dear S,

Anyone in some kind of sexual club will most likely be safe due to multiple partners. These folks like sex and therefore usually take care of their sexual health. You owe no allegiance to either man, only to yourself.

It's usually best to keep your own council. In other words, keep your mouth shut. Enjoy sexual variety while you are young.

Dr Betty