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Hello Betty,

First of all let me say that I'm a huge fan and very grateful that I found your site. I've been struggling with deep insecurity over my extremely small breasts. These issues did not start until after I first became sexually active with my last boyfriend. I guess I had never assessed my breast size until then and when I finally did I developed a strong complex about their size. Now I have severe feelings of sexual inadequacy and feel unwomanly, childlike, even abnormal because of them. I'm just barely getting involved with a new partner (not a boyfriend, just a sexual partner) now but still cannot bring myself to take off my bra in front of him, nor can I feel any pleasure from nipple stimulation anymore because of my anxiety towards that particular body part (which is a shame because I used to love it before).

Now my boobs are basically off-limits to my new partner because I am simply not comfortable being topless in front of anybody out of fear that either my partner will become turned off or that I will become too self-conscious to enjoy myself. I guess my question is- do you see my keeping my bra on during sex as a problem? Does it seem particularly unhealthy to you? And could this cause problems if I were to get involved in a serious relationship in the future? I haven't brought this up to my partner because it's not his job to be my therapist and I'm really trying to deal with these issues on my own but for the time being it just makes sex easier for me to enjoy. I've been to counseling for this and it didn't seem to help me at all.

Also, do you think these issues combined with the fact that I'm 19 years old show that I'm perhaps not ready for casual sexual relationships yet?

Dear D,

One of the best ways to practice sex is with a more casual relationship because there is not that much at stake. I usually practiced new things with someone I wasn't all that crazy about. If I failed it was no big loss. So that's by way of saying this is a good time to practice being who you are NOT what you think society or boys want. . . Big Boobs.

At 19 you have no idea what a burden huge tits are to carry around. And besides, you are a lot more than the size of your breasts. Of course you can leave your bra on but frankly, I think that looks silly and actually draws more attention to what you imagine to be a flaw. C'mon girl! Off with the tit bag on to the new empowered orgasmic you.

Dr. Betty