How Do I Get Over My Fear of Sexual Rejection?

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Betty Dodson

Hey Betty,

I would really like to thank you for this amazing website. I discovered your podcasts/website and fell in love. I am consistently inspired by you and Carlin both!

I am a 19 year old female who is just starting college. I have been masturbating since I was in the 2nd grade or earlier, but at the time was not aware of what I was doing. Later in my teens, I gained some awareness. I am also rather hyper-sexual which is odd because I have very minimal experience. My first sexual experience was with oral sex a couple of weeks ago with a guy who has since told me that he can't be in a relationship at this point in his life. I am afraid that he backed away after learning that I am a virgin.

I guess my inquiry is how do I get over my fear of rejection and learn to seek out sexual partners. I am afraid that I will not be good enough for someone and that I will remain a virgin for quite some time. All I really want to do is use all of this sexual energy that I have, but alas it often goes un-used. Thank you for your time!

Dear K,

One of the biggest problems with sex is that we only define it as a penis thrusting inside a vagina. BUT that is just pro-creation sex, the kind that most men want. There are many other ways to enjoy our sexuality like manual and oral and even sharing masturbation with a lover. And then we have my favorite, masturbation. Your first sexual experience was the first time you gave yourself an orgasm! It will not be letting some kid fuck you vaginally when you won't get to come, but he will.

Your lesson for today is that masturbation is REAL Sex! And maybe some of the best in the overall scheme of human sexuality in repressed America. So don't be in such a hurry to provide a boy with an orgasm until you have your birth control in place. Like most girls myself included, after he leaves, you will most likely masturbate in order to have your own orgasm.

Dr. Betty

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