How Do I Ask My Boyfriend To Go Down on Me?

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Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I am a 19 year old female and my boyfriend of almost a year now is 21. He is my first sexual partner and our sex life is satisfying and he knows how to give me orgasms and vice versa. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone before...but there is a small problem. For the first few months of our relationship he never went down on me. I always wanted it but didn't know how to ask. I gave him head occasionally but not too often because I wasn't very confident about it. Well eventually he went down on me a few times and he wasn't that great but I loved it nonetheless because it was such a turn on. Today I found out that he doesn't like it.

I don't really know what to do now. I feel sort of insulted but at the same time shouldn't I respect his sexual preferences? He's never complained about me not giving much head...My friend told me that every guy she's ever been with has eaten her out and that if a guy doesn't then he's an asshole. I don't know how to deal with this! Please help. I would love to get more oral and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend :(

Thank you. You are amazing and a huge inspiration to me by the way :)


Dear J,

My personal opinion is that if a guy didn't do oral sex for me, I certainly was not going to do him. Unfortunately he is sending you a message that your vulva is not all that desirable to him. I always find that suspect. I don't want to rain on your parade BUT at 19 you don't really know all that much about LOVE! At best you are involved in an "infatuation" or what we used to call "puppy love." It's very sweet but rarely long lasting. Since he is older, why don't you just ask him the question: "I'm conflicted about wanting more oral sex now that I know you don't like it. What do you suggest?" Let him come up with an answer. Why is all this on your shoulders alone?

Consider what you are saying:"I would love to get more oral and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend." I'd say that's an impossible situation. You'll have to chose one or the other. Either sacrifice your desire for oral sex or get another lover. The best solution in all love affairs is to communicate clearly what you like and what you want to experience. He is not a mind readers so talk to him.

Dr. Betty


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