How Can I Move On After Getting Herpes From My First Love?

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Betty Dodson

Dear Betty:

You are one of my teachers. I've read your whole page. I am a very hard working attractive 25 year old Caribbean woman and I got herpes 1 from a mutually monogamous relationship. He never knew he had it until he got a really bad flu and had broken up with me while being in love with me. His symptoms showed up a few days after. I had always asked my last flings to get tested, I did not ask him out of pure love. I trusted him but at the same time I assume responsibility. I knew before hand he wasn't tested.

This man is now my friend and my rock. Love really turned in to an unbreakable relationship. But I NEED to get on with my life. I feel dirty, unlovable I feel like no one will ever love me like this. A woman that fought so much for her sexual freedom is now crumbling in fear and feels like she will never enjoy sex again.Please advise me about transmission, how to have this talk with my next partners and basically help me breathe again. I barely even felt my first breakout. I would have never knew if I haven't gotten tested. I have PH problems too.

Please write


Dear L,

I lived with Herpes since the seventies when it was considered if you'd never had an outbreak, it simply meant you weren't having enough sex. There was very little stigma attached to it especially since the entire population carried the virus automatically with or without any outbreaks. At some point, society got all bent out of shape over this "disease" and big pharma stepped in with a hefty priced preventative med at $300 for a bottle of pills. No Thank You!

When I have an outbreak, it's no big deal. I simply avoid partner sex until the little blisters dry up which can take a week or two. For ten years I lived with a young man who was Herpes free and we had lots of sex. He never got it and that was nearly 10 years ago. So calm down. Herpes is just inconvenient, not a life sentence of some terrible disability. Check out what's been posted on the website and also Google to get more info. At some point the entire population will have had an outbreak and further testing will be abandoned.

Dr. Betty

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