How Can I be "Loose" When I've Only Had Sex 7 Times?

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Betty Dodson

Hello Betty,

I REALLY help some advice, I'm scared I'll never be in a relationship. My problem has obliterated my self-esteem and I feel so alone.

I'm 20 years old and I have had sex with 6 different guys. It started with this one guy I liked; we had sex two separate times but he couldn't orgasm after hours of trying. I felt so embarrassed and thought he wasn't attracted to me so I freaked out stopped seeing him. After that I began having one night stands.

I had a total of 5 one night stands and they all followed the same script. The guy would go on for ages so then we try doggy style which still didn't work. They even asked to do anal but i don't feel comfortable with it.

I have been doing kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles but nothing has come of it. But i don't understand how I can be so 'loose' if I have only had sex 7 times. So here I am, I'm scared to have sex with a guy again and I'm scared no guy will want me and it doesn't help that I have anxiety problems.

Is there any advice you could give me? And I also want to thank you for taking time to read this, any help would be much appreciated.


Dear J,

Hold on there woman! You're making a lot of assumptions about why these guys are not coming with you. Do you have some kind of birth control in place? Did it occur to you that they might be holding back until you had your orgasm? Is there ever any verbal communication taking place? Has it ever dawned on you to talk about this with one of them?

Instead you have come to the conclusion that your vagina is so loose they can't get any sensation? Have you ever had an orgasm with masturbation? I suspect not. So that's where you begin. Learning how to give yourself an orgasm instead of blaming yourself for some kids inability to ejaculate. You've turned yourself into a victim, so Stop it right now! You need to be in a relationship with your sexual self first. Then we can talk about having sex with boys. I'm including links to get you started.

Dr. Betty

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