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Saturday September 17, the day after our closing party at Carlin and Geof’s apartment and I am one exhausted, happy and very fortunate octogenarian to have had the opportunity to document a workshop that I ran for 25 years. Then to have it be spectacularly successful is a dream come true.

I base this conclusion on the seven women in the workshop and a crew of six women film technicians without seeing any of the footage. My apartment filled up with more film equipment than I have ever seen in one place. The first and last negative thought I had was, “Just like a woman who cannot decide what to take on a trip so she packs her entire wardrobe!” My orderly and minimalist apartment was a mess with every inch of space taken up with huge cases, booms, lights, cameras and women’s bodies— every inch! Even my kitchen became a deli with plastic spoons, cups, plates, sandwiches, salads and a big brown box of coffee with deadly packets of sweet n low.

“Just breathe, Betty Anne. Breathe.”

The above mantra enabled me to manage much anxiety and a minimum of sleep as I lay awake each night solving problems that never showed up or were handled by Carlin and the crew. The biggest challenge was letting go of trying to control anything. I believe they call it “surrender,” something I know so little about. Having Sheila staying with me was an enormous help. She was my feminist buddy when I first began the groups back in the seventies. The transition from being an artist isolated in my studio to designing and organizing workshops in order to teach women about sex was an incredible experience. I was in way over my head and dog paddling as fast as I could to keep from drowning in a sea of questions.

The workshops created their own form. I learned to try different rituals and women let me know what worked and what they wanted more of. My main contribution was to create the space, sign up each group, collect the money and to supply refreshments for the breaks. The 12 step programs and feminisms consciousness raising groups were the inspiration for my workshops. The first name for these groups was Physical and Sexual Consciousness Raising. Eventually that unwieldy title gave way to Bodysex Groups. Instead of giving advice that makes us feel defensive, I constantly reminded everyone to make an effort to speak in first person as we shared the truth about our sex lives. My recent background was perfect with 5 years experience of throwing the best sex parties in NYC. I have always considered that period as my real sex education and preparation for the workshops.

My first big concern about this current film was could I be nude in front of a camera at my advanced age. When I first filmed a Bodysex group with Jorjana in 1990, I had just turned sixty. Long before digital was available, we had one stationary home camera that picked up the sound and one hand held video-cam. Yet the images were breathtaking. During the many grueling hours of editing, I kept complaining: “Cut that, get me out of the shot, no, no, no, and don’t show me in that position! I look awful!”

Finally, Jorjana asked if I could please get over myself so we could finish the edit. Here was the so-called Queen of Body Love and Acceptance hating and criticizing her aging body. Finally, I did manage to STFU and we were able to move along. This time I will not be able to see what the editor picks and chooses so she will have full control. In a world of photo shopped images of body perfection, is it any wonder why older women and men hide behind clothes even on summer beaches. Older people who dare to go nude are often seen in silent horror as each person realizes this is how their body might look as they age.

Sheila is 67 and I am 82 (in my 83rd year). We represented the Crones, the wise women in the circle. My opening comment was not to fear old age if we are feeling good. I have never had more excitement, pleasure and creative energy as I do right now in my eighties. Sheila said her body was the healthiest it had been in her lifetime and she was really enjoying it. I knew it was important for us to represent older women who were alive and well and engaged in the healing arts as well as still happily single and orgasmic.

One of the most remarkable moments was when I realized that within the 7 women in the group, we had every vulva style I’d ever named: Classical, Danish Modern, Baroque, Renaissance, Gothic, Art Deco, a Valentine Heart and a Madonna— absolutely amazing! Each woman gave her sex organ a pet name as she displayed her charms. This joyful moment will be in the DVD and featured on the D&R website as a separate entity. It is that healing.

As for our orgasm ritual, I was so exhausted I nearly drifted off to sleep until I would hear a woman reach a peak moment of pleasure. Then I would look around the circle and return to an inner space searching my clitoris, vagina and PC muscle for a lift off toward an orgasm. My energy level was so low that my sexual body continued to discharge each little build-up, so technically I did not get off. However, in the past I have considered a series of autonomic discharges somewhat similar to an orgasm. What sustained me was as I looked to my left, I saw Sheila who had shared my feminist past. To my right I saw Carlin, who is my feminist future with our website. The rest of the circle had my high priestesses, women who would carry this simple message to others that I learned at the beginning of the seventies:

“Masturbation is the foundation for all of human sexuality. It is our first natural sexual activity; it is how we learn to like our sex organs and to discover the many positive good feelings as we activate the nerve pathways from the clitoris and penis to the pleasure center in our brains.”

Until society regards this humble sexual activity as essential for our mental health and honors it with the inclusion of masturbation in the lexicon of human sexuality, we will remain in the dark ages of sexual ignorance. Society must no longer prevent people from accessing this positive and creative energy so we can enjoy our orgasms alone and with others.

In a world on the brink of extinction, I often ask myself if I am crazy to believe that having independent orgasms is that important for human happiness. Then yesterday, on Truthout.org I found this article: “Can We Increase Gross National Happiness” by Peter Singer. He is a professor of bioethics at Princeton University and I hereby vow my eternal love for him. The article began: “The small Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan is known internationally for two things: high visa fees which reduce the influx of tourists and its policy of promoting ‘gross national happiness’ instead of economic growth.” Allowing this information to get through to me felt like the universe was fully supporting my efforts.

This led me to another piece titled A History of Happiness by Darren M. McMahon, PhD who had an Op-Ed in Yes Magazine. There I found more extensive information that began with “Roots of happiness,” “Happiness revolution,” and ended with “Unnatural happiness.” He cautions us against the idea that happiness is our natural state, which leads to what he calls the “unhappiness of not being happy” which he feels is a peculiarly modern condition. That was a bit too academic and sent me back to Bhutan, a country that wants to increase gross national happiness without reservations. Count me in!

I stand firm that we are all entitled to private moments of sexual pleasure by touching our own genitals. It is cost effective, does not pollute the planet, helps to control the population explosion, harms no one, and allows each person a feeling of autonomy. We can live alone, as a couple, in a nuclear or extended family, a tribe or try it all and still maintain our individuality. Masturbation returns sex to its rightful place— the individual. What we do beyond that is how we choose to socialize our sexuality. This would naturally include choice. We would no longer be limited to compulsive heterosexuality with its demand for marriage, monogamy and procreating. That is all Biblical, a time that has passed. We need to live in the present moment in order to embrace a sustainable future.

The Bodysex Documentary will be available by December of this year or in early 2012. Instead of viewing the New Year as the end of time, let us see it as a new beginning where we can design our lives like an artist paints a picture— we can creatively select our personal choices of shapes and colors to fully enjoy sex by design.