Is Watching Pornography Cheating?

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Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm 18 years old and I suck at writing and explaining myself threw words but I gotta give this letter writing a try. Your the only person who might be able to help me, if you don't know well then... id say im shit out of luck. I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible.

My first question is about porn. My girlfriend recently went threw my computer history and seen a few porn sites on there and totally lost her shit. I didn't think watching a few videos here and there was wrong, but to her It was like I just killed a newborn kitten. She said "to her" (with her hands on her hips doing her stink face) that me looking at other girls naked is like cheating? (how she thinks me looking at a naked woman threw the computer screen is the same as cheating beats me) She made her self clear that my eyes should only be on her, and that watching porn is disgusting and perverted and so much more.(I find porn interesting and I like seeing how others do things differently, and well some can be pretty hot too)

She pretty much made me promise to never ever watch it again, and still asks me everyday if I have watched any lately. Is it wrong to watch porn when your in a relationship? I have no idea maybe I am wrong. But that's not why I wanted to write to you. My girlfriend started this thing recently where when were having sex she's like "tell me its only me" or "you love me right, your not going to leave me, forever just me" and shit like that. When she does that I feel like removing her head and continuing on!

Yeah, the first few times I went with it but now as soon as she opens her mouth it just ruins it. I tried talking to her saying maybe we shouldn't talk during sex and then bluntly told her that when she goes on about those things it ruins the moment. Apparently a man should always say and or repeat those things during sex if they mean it or something, well not this man. I think she needs to calm her tits down. well I hope this is private or this could be embarrassing. Thanks. I hope you know what to do If not... well Im hoping you do.

Have a wonderful day!-

Dear M,

I'm smiling. One of my favorite posters says: "Every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten!" As long as you are not abusing porn by jerking off to it every day AND you don't think it's sex education or a formula for what women like, I see no harm in the occasional visit to a site. As long as you remember it's basically entertainment for you guys.

What you're describing with your GF is fairly common. She is young and very insecure. All the verbal statements of devotion and love everlasting from you will never be enough. I understand how a sense of self-worth is difficult for teenage girls (and boys as well.) To break her habit of wanting consistent verbal statements of your undying love, just tell her at the beginning and then request she drop it until after you have both come. Do you know if she's having orgasms? Does she masturbate?

If this continues and no amount of reassurance from you will do, maybe it's time to move along. I'm a strong believer in youth being a time for experimentation instead of "going steady" which will happen soon enough when you enter a monogamous marriage. You are both too young to be so serious and possessive but that is what the culture teaches young people. By the way, you expressed yourself in writing the question quite well.

Dr. Betty

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