Was it Wrong of Me to Hate My Pregnancy & Birth?

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Carlin Ross

Dear Betty,

This is not truly a sex related question, but it does bother me quite a lot. I had a baby, a beautiful daughter, 5 months ago. She is the light of my life and I am so ecstatic to have her.

So, while I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time on the Internet, reading about mothers and mothers to be, and about their pregnancies and births. I have continued this activity still, including reading what Carlin writes about her pregnancy. All of the things I read said that the mothers loved being pregnant, that giving birth was one of the joys of life, how happy the were to be pregnant. And I feel extremely guilty.


Because I hated being pregnant. Oh, there were times when the joy of carrying my child over took me and spent time in a happy daze. But for the most part i was cranky and mad. I hate being sick, so morning sickness ruined my entire day. It was awful. But the birth! All mothers said that it was wonders, bringing a child into the world. I hated it from the first contraction. It was the most pain I've ever been in. There was no joy for me, let me tell you.

So my question is, am I a bad mother for hating my pregnancy and birth? My darling daughter, my lovely Eva, is so perfect and breastfeeding her is one of my joys of life. She is so amazing. But was it wrong of me to hate my pregnancy and birth?

Dear A,

We are each unique individuals with our own personal set of likes, dislikes and areas of in-differences. One of our biggest problems from my POV is when we start comparing ourselves to others instead of honoring who we are. This is made more clear to me as my physical body begins to wear down while my knowledge and understanding ramps up.

There are times I've looked at Carlin and wondered why I didn't have a baby so I could have "had it all?" Than I remind myself that it was a clear and conscious choice that I made to create art instead of creating another life. It was neither noble nor a sacrifice. It was however, at a time when women had to choose between having a career or embracing motherhood. Today, Carlin can run our entire website from her cell phone that fits in the palm of her hand or scan the internet looking for the latest hot item for our readers while Baby Grayson has lunch suckling at her breast. It is indeed a braver newer and far more convenient world with cyberspace.

Following my creative art phase, I learned to write which led to teaching women about orgasms which eventually earned me the title: "Mother of Masturbation." While it's easy to laugh that off, it really does have special meaning to me. Once I asked the question: Who mothers mothers? It became profound. This third career as "teacher" has turned out to be extremely rewarding. A lifetime lived fully lasts a wonderfully long time and the best we can do is to love ourselves and let that spill over onto others.

I'm very committed to having a Happy, Healthy and Productive New Year with yet another new role coming up: Aunt B.

Join me to celebrate a self-loving sisterhood in 2015

Dr. Betty

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