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I am referring to Primary Anorgasmic, which, to my knowledge, is the inability to have an orgasm, ever.

I am 20 years old and have never had an orgasm. I know that I am still young, but this is all incredibly frustrating. I have tried masturbation, and still do it to this day, and I've also experimented a lot in bed, trying everything from sensory deprivation (like blindfolding), to an impossible number of different positions, to sex toys, like vibrators. Different positions feel better than others, and those are ones that I usually like to stick to, but they never lead anywhere.

I do enjoy sex; it feels good. But it never feels amazing. I never have a build up of any sort, and anything that feels incredibly good usually loses its above average feel after a few minutes, returning to the normal "feel good" of sex. Even combining all of the above in different ways (masturbation, toys, sexual intercourse), it all reverts to the normal feeling of sex. I also never seem to get tired of it, like it never stops feeling good, or stops having its appeal. It's like my body is forever insatiable.

Aside from the physical aspect of it all, I have a great mental mindset too. I have a loving, long term boyfriend who is very attentive and adventurous. We both are very understanding of each other physically and mentally. We are each other's best friends and neither could do without the other. I have a great, supporting family. I am going to a wonderful university and experiencing life for all it has to offer. I am accepting of my body and all the weird things that it does. I accept all of this, so I don't believe I have any sort of psychological hold back.

I just want to know if there's a way to tell whether or not my body is capable of having an orgasm to begin with. I have been okay with not being able to achieve orgasm and have learned to just enjoy sex for what it is: a special bond between you and your significant other. Besides, sex DOES feel good! But recently, it has become a point of interest between me and boyfriend, and it's frustrating not knowing whether it's an issue that is beyond my control or not. I want to know if I'm capable of getting past the generic feel good of sex and entering into the wonderful land of climax...

I really hope you respond, publicly or personally,

K

Dear K,

Whenever I hear the academic term "Anorgasmic" I know my questioner has read way too much about sex and needs to unlearn a lot of crap. You are trying to have sex with the male model of sex which does NOT works for us.

You are obviously having orgasms but they do not meet your EXPECTATIONS! There will be no "explosions" or "passing out from ecstasy" or whatever else you imagine. Start to honer those "generic feel goods of sex" and forget about "entering into the wonderful land of climax." As long as a woman receives adequate clitoral stimulation we can have repeated climaxes. It's not like the male ejaculation where they are knocked out afterward.

Now, count your blessings. You are no longer "pre-orgasmic" (my term in place of anorgasmic) except in your mind. Your body is doing great.

Dr. Betty