Should I Put My Daughter on Birth Control If She's Still a Virgin

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Betty Dodson

Good morning,

I have a question for you please help I'm so worry about my daughter. My daughter an I have a great communication but I'm worry because she confess me that she and her boyfriend almost had sex but she told she got scared and thought of all the advised.

She told me that he just put his penis in her but didn't go further inside her so I don't know if she's still a virgin or not. She also asked me to get her on birth control even thought she told me she's not ready to have sex. Her boyfriend told me too that they know it was wrong what they where about to do. The three of us spoke about what happened and they told me it won't happen again. They are too young - my daughter is 16 and her boyfriend 15 years old. Should I put her on birth control like pills or maybe and iud. Thank you for your time.


Dear J,

Far more important than worrying about whether of not your daughter is still a virgin, is to make sure she has some form of birth control NOW! My preference for birth control has always been the diaphragm that has been replaced by the pill and IUD's. Even condoms are preferable but like any barrier method, they must be used correctly.

While it's a good sign that she and her boyfriend trust you by discussing this, the best intentions of "not going all the way" are easily forgotten when two healthy young bodies are together. Our sexuality is far more powerful than an oath not to go all the way or have full blown penetration sex. Religion is the problem here not human sexuality. I would advise that once she has birth control, having sex with her young man would be healthy. It's the abstaining that causes a fixation to take hold and then blinds us with some abstract notion of "true love."

So be a practical Mom and forget about virginity which is a male concept to keep women ignorant about male sexuality. My advice to all young couples is to have sex before they get married to discover if they are really compatible instead of just wanting to have sexual intercourse. Again I applaud you for the trust your daughter and her lover have in you that they can come to you about anything. This is a rare quality.

Dr. Betty

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