Sexual Fantasy is as Important as Genital Stimulation

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Betty Dodson

While I understand vibrators are here to stay along with other sex toys and porn, the younger generation seems to be overly reliant on technology. They forget our most potent sexual motivation is the human brain.

Before being hooked on my vibrator, I'd made it to the age of 35 with just manual masturbation while focusing on one of many sexual fantasies I’d stored up since childhood. The neighborhood dogs getting stuck together after mating. Watching our rabbits go at it when we had a hutch in the backyard. The pony in a vacant lot down the street with its two foot penis hanging out that nearly reached the ground. Of course our sex games in childhood that began with playing “house.” were also extremely exciting. It seems today children are so closely supervised they rarely get a chance to play together without an adult nearby.

Instead of just lying down and throwing a switch on your vibrator or sitting down at your computer to view porn, consider beginning your selfloving session by massaging your sex organ using organic massage oil: (Coconut or Almond works fine). Even occasionally viewing this process in a mirror with a good light makes the relationship to your genitals more personal by "keeping in touch" both manually and visually. This applies to both boys and girls.

Too many girls are putting a vibrator on their clitoris expecting to "get off" as quickly as a boyfriend who ejaculates within a few minutes while viewing porn. Neither scenario has any creative input from their imaginations. I fear online porn for boys and vibrators for girls is taking away youth's ability to dream up scenarios about some kind of sexual encounter, adventure or even a romantic love story to heighten the physical sensations they’re feeling in their genitals.

My question to you is “What are you "thinking" when you masturbate?”

The reason I ask is because I’m convinced sexual fantasy is as important as the kind of genital stimulation being used. Online porn offers full color ever changing glossy images of sex that can also be cruel or nasty making the forbidden even more appealing because well paid porn stars are faking screaming orgasms. This has becomes Americas basic sex education other than a few online sites that offer more valid information such as D&R.

So why do I believe what’s on your mind when masturbating is important? As a fine artist, I eventually realized that fantasy was at the heart of my creative process. To first imagine something and then proceed to manifest it is what creativity is all about. I'm not saying each session of selflove has to be a big production or masterpiece, there's always room for "quickies," but PLEASE, stop and consider what kind of a lover you are being for yourself physically and mentally.

Have you tried "Edging an orgasm?" It’s when I stop right in front of coming and drop back, then build up again. Each time the desire to "let go" grows more intense until I can hold back no longer and finally blast off. Edging allows me to build up sexual tension that enhances my orgasm by holding off and teasing myself while desire grows more urgent and intense. When I finally do "let go" it isn't just a blip or a hick-cup, it's a meaningful moment! This is a healing orgasm at it’s best.

Yes, I know times are moving fast and it’s really difficult to find privacy. Especially in the nuclear family which seems to be designed to curtail personal freedoms. And we can all agree that jerking off in the bathroom is far from ideal although it’s often the only door we are allowed to lock. Even away at school or sharing an apartment means dealing with roommates so unless you agree on some plan to take turns for a bit of privacy, most of us are SOL. We all know the excitement of being home alone, the ultimate sexual freedom not only when we’re young, but at any age.

As for hiding your sex toys, don't bother. Instead, wait for friends and family to find your vibrator sitting there in plain view on your night stand. Or a bottle of massage oil with a box of condoms. Several things are possible: They won’t say a word, they will laugh, or if it’s a parent they might hit the roof over those "awful things!" Either way, there’s a real possibility of having an honest discussion about sexuality. Sharing your masturbation practices with a parent, sibling, roommate or lover often opens up a healthier sexual dynamic between daughter and mother, husband and wife or even lovers. This might be more liberating than one can imagine. I’ve heard stories of toxic relationships becoming warm friendships, especially between kids and parents where they try to control daughters and sons which can erupt into a cold or hot war that’s never won.

So let’s begin each selfloving session with the following considerations: What’s on your mind after you close the door, get out your lube and stretch out to make love to yourself? Then build a repertoire of yummy dirty or romantic fantasies that will see you through a lifetime with an abundance of happy orgasms.