Open Relationships Have Always Added to Our Life

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Lawrence Lanoff

I’m currently sitting at a restaurant near The Pentagon writing this blog. I just had the most amazing discussion with an ultra conservative, right wing, Born Again Christian, fundamentalist Special Ops, military guy (that’s how he described himself). He sat at the table next to me at dinner and began chatting about 9/11. We discussed where we each were at the time.

He asked what my background was, where I’m from, and was asking about my relationship. I’ll explain more about that in a minute. But this is where it get’s interesting. My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship since our relationship began, some 5 + years ago.

I had been unhappily monogamously married for 4 years and in a monogamous relationship for an additional 3 years previous to our marriage. Honestly, monogamy nearly killed me. I was so miserably unhappy. Once I left my marriage, I knew that monogamy would never again happen for me.

Here’s why: monogamy is based on religious ideology - not reality.

So my military friend and I talked about reality. He agreed that most everybody is “doing something or someone” on the side, or at least wanting to, so he was very sympathetic to the fact that my girlfriend and I are completely, honestly open about our open relationship.

“In fact,” I explained, “we were on a double date with our respective lovers Saturday night, and it was incredible.” I told him that I really love my girlfriend’s taste in men. She always has absolutely incredible men around her.

I could see the wheels spinning in his head as he listed to what I was saying. I read him a text from one of my lovers who wished me a safe journey and wanted to hear all about my journey to DC when I return. In the text, she said, “thank you for touching and loving my heart.” Those were her words.

He thought about my lover’s text for a moment and said, “I don’t know how to say this, but when I see you in heaven and we bump fists, I'm going to be a little pissed off at you that you had it right.”

You see, without religion “telling me” or worse yet, forcing me to do “the right thing,” I live a beautiful life. My girlfriend and I have more love than we know what to do with, and it grows and deepens constantly. I love the fact that she has other amazing men in her life, and she loves the fact that I can freely and openly share my love with other women. Our experience is that it only deepens our love, trust, communication and sexual depth with each other.

Open relationships have always added to our life. And last night, before leaving for DC, my girlfriend and I had an amazing lovemaking session that went on for nearly 2 hours and left her in pure, sweet tears of gratitude and pleasure. She said to me “more women need to experience the love you have to give.”

This is why she and I do what we do. Because life is in the living, not in the waiting until “someday”, in heaven.

My new ultra-conservative friend left, shaking his head in disbelief. “If I didn’t have my ingrained Christian morals in place, I could totally get it. I mean, I really get it.” We said goodnight, and he left me to my writings. About 5 minutes later he came back and said, “would you want to go out tomorrow night with a couple of buddies of mine and continue this discussion?” He said, “I think it would be very good for them to hear.”

I said “yes,” and we exchanged numbers. I have to say, it was a pleasure to speak with somebody with a strong set of beliefs, who still has an open mind. That’s a beautiful thing.

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