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Hi Betty,

Whenever I have sex and my partner thrusts, I experience pain as though he has reached the end of my vaginal canal and is maybe hitting my cervix. I'd rather sex not be inhibited by asking him to just do shallow thrusts. Do you have any idea why I am experiencing this pain? It really ruins the fun of the session for me.

Dear TW,

Some experts say the vagina is a collapsed space that will accommodate most any sized penis. Both of us would disagree with that according to our personal experiences. I too had the same problem with a lover years ago who was well-endowed. His 10 inch dick needed some serious stimulation due to a botched circumcision that had left the ridge of his glans scarred. His heavy pounding thrusts were just too painful and because I was young and unable to express myself, we broke up.

Another possibility is that your partner is going too deep too soon. When we are fully aroused which takes a lot more than a few minutes of kissing, nipple tweaks and a cursory pass on our clits, the uterus actually lifts up which creates more vaginal space. (I call it the "cul de sac.") Also some women have deeper vaginal canals than others.

My vaginal barrel is fairly short until I'm seriously turned on which takes more like 30 min and then I can't get him in deep enough. So spend more time getting REALLY turned on or negotiate the depth you prefer. Tell him to hold back on deep thrusting until you grab his "love handles" and pull him in closer. This is a good case for supporting the "Cowgirl Position" with the woman on top. Ride'em cowgirl and get what you want. Check out our podcast by the same name. When partnersex hurts, it's a sign we need to change something.

Dr. Betty