Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Profile picture for user Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are very open to each other about sex and our fantasies. He told me that before we met he had sex with a transvestite. From what I understand it was a man in women's clothes, pre-op, and my boyfriend says that this guy looked so much like a women that he was ok with it. All that happened was he fucked the guy in the ass and left after he came.

The reason this is even concerning me is that my boyfriend has a really low libido and also suffers from pre-ejaculation. Its difficult to get him to have sex with me because he's never really that into it. He also enjoys anal play and lets me put a dildo on to fuck him. One time he mentioned that he wanted me to dominate him by putting him in a dress and putting makeup on him. It's hard to understand whats going on here. He acts kind of masculine and says hes not gay but I dont know if hes just scared to tell me or whats going on.

Should i ask him if hes gay? bi? or just into kinky stuff. We both are the kind of people to try anything and we do kinky stuff all the time together. I'm starting to think hes gay and I dont know how to approach it. I know if i ask him straight out he will just shut down and probably lie about it. How should i approach this? and also if he is gay what should I do? I cant leave him, we are soul mates in every way. I've tried looking online for a solution and browsing your site and couldn't find anything about this. Thank you for the help, you are my hero.

Dear S,

It sounds like your boyfriend is simply a cross dresser or a transvestite.

Most transvestites are NOT homosexuals. Google the word and lots of things come up. Definitely discuss this openly with him. Once he knows you can accept him both as a man and also cross dressed as a female, I'm sure your partnersex will improve. There are many straight couples who have come to terms with the man wanting to dress in women's clothes. Besides it's fun to dress up a man to look like a woman.

My Dear friend Veronica Vera runs an academy for "Boys who want to be Girls." She teaches men how to walk and pose in high heels, to apply make-up and where to shop for larger sized shoes. It might be fun to check it out and start to enjoy this particular lifestyle.

Dr. Betty

Mentions And Related Topics