Is It True Some Women Just Can't Orgasm?
Dear Dr. Betty,
I am 22 years old and I'm not sure I've ever had an orgasm.
I'm originally from Eastern Europe, and had a religious upbringing. I remember being a preteen and asking my mother what sex was like, and she replied "not fun". I always felt guilty about having sexual thoughts, and didn't even allow myself to masturbate until I was 17. As of now I'm in a good relationship with a guy who makes me feel comfortable and I'm finally starting to enjoy sex. I've even found that anal play is a lot of fun!
But I don't come when I'm with my boyfriend, and it never happens when I'm alone either. I try to masturbate with a vibrator, feel like I'm getting into it, and then the feeling suddenly goes away.
I've heard that some women just can't have one. Could I be one of them? Or maybe it's because my clit is tiny? Or I'm broken in some psychological way that won't be fixed?
Unless your clitoris has been surgically removed, you are capable of having an orgasm. Unfortunately most all girls have endured a sex phobic religious upbringing. It wasn't fun for your Mom as she most likely was not having orgasms. You are probably having small orgasms and are unable to identify them due to your expectations of what an orgasm is like.
The best way to learn is by continuing to practice masturbation. Also continue to access all our sex information on the website.