Is the Intimacy of My Marriage Killing My Orgasms?

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Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

We are a polyamorous couple in our twenties, and while we are each other's primary partners I do have other lovers. Lately, I've been noticing that it seems easier to 'let go' and orgasm with my other partner than with my husband, and I was wondering if it's because the 'stakes are higher' in a long-term relationship, or for some other reason?

Sex with my husband is still very enjoyable and we are still very happy together, but the intimacy is more emotionally than physically satisfying at times. Is that normal? By the way, I have been a fan of yours for years and consider you one of my mentors as a proud and unashamedly sexual woman!

Thanks, K

Dear K,

You are perfectly normal or a better term is "healthy." It's not so much that the stakes are higher in your long term relationship but that sex becomes more routine. For me, the most exciting sex was always found in the next lover just around the corner. Variety my Dear is indeed the spice of life. Truth is, women function best with competing sperm, not monogamy as we've been brain washed to believe.

So for now, you have the best of both worlds but even that might have to change. The one thing we can count on is change. Of course that means re-evaluating our notions of security that is usually invested in having one man to depend on. Either way, we will end up with ourselves in the end. So enjoy whatever is working.

Dr. Betty

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