Articles

Hi Dr,

I have been reading a lot of these posts and can somewhat relate to most of what people are saying...however, there are a few differences.

When I was young, I never masturbated, I would sometimes be aroused but didn't know what to do (I guess I was pretty repressed and confused) so the feeling would eventually pass. I cannot remember the exact age I was...but over the past maybe 10-15 years (I'm 26 now) I have never felt particularly aroused. I've had sex, but I cannot actually reach arousal let alone orgasm.

I have come to realize that I should first try to achieve orgasm through masturbation (which I first started doing maybe 3 years ago). Through just using my hands, I don't feel anything at all pleasurable. I have had a few vibrators over the last 3 years but struggle with it. Most recently, while using it, I am aroused but can't reach orgasm. Like others have mentioned, after using it for a while, my clit feels very sensitive.

I saw in another post you said that that generally means you have had one, and then other people saying that you should try and go past that feeling to reach the orgasm...I have tried everything, and I just want to achieve it. Do you think I should see a gyno to discuss my problems or can it just be solved with more attempts :(.

Thanks for your help in advance!

Dear C,

If you want to seek professional help, the last person who might be of assistance would be your Gynecologist. They are not taught anything about how to achieve orgasms for sexual pleasure. After examining you, she would say everything looks normal and healthy.

This is what I think is happening: You have an idea or expectation about what an orgasm "should" or "will" feel like! So when you masturbate, those early small reflexes get passed by as "nothing" because you are looking for some "mind blowing explosive happening." Similar to the crap you've been reading in novels or watching online porn where women are paid to act out excessively dramatic faked vaginal orgasms to get men off.

Yes, an orgasm can be a spectacular mind altering moment but not for a 26 year old woman who didn't grow up naturally masturbating. You are a rank beginner and it will take time and practice to get the nerve endings in a neglected clitoris to travel all the way to the pleasure center in your brain. This is the importance of NOT prohibiting clitoral touching in young children!

So you must be a lot more patient and practice masturbation. Keep reading the information I have on the website and eventually you and your body will figure this out. I'm rooting for you.

Dr. Betty