I Just Can't Get Wet During Sex

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Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm 17 and I masturbate almost every other day or so. I have had sex 6 times with my boyfriend. No matter what I try or what he tries, I just can't get wet. It's not that I can't turn myself on or that he can't, I would always feel hot but that is it.

I don't know if this is a problem or if it is normal, but it is very embarrassing and painful during sex. I have been thinking about going to my gynecologist and discussing this with her but I feel like she would just give me a stupid look since I am only 17. I feel ashamed of my body because of this. Also, when I masturbate it takes me forever to orgasm. I either use my fingers to stimulate my clit or the shower head and I always have to have something inside me while I stimulate my clit.

I can only orgasm once every 30 minutes or so when I masturbate. During sex, I always have to stimulate my clit and even then I barely get off. This causes my boyfriend to think he is doing something wrong. It also gets a little annoying having to grab the lube almost every 10 minutes. Is it normal that I can't get wet? Is there anything I can do to change that besides lube? And no matter what I do or what my boyfriend does, I always seem to have a hard time reaching even just one orgasm.

Dear H,

First off you are at the beginning of you sexual unfolding. I too had difficulty with lubrication in the beginning due to my nervousness about sex with a partner. And complaining about not having multiple orgasms is ridiculous at your age. Instead of having consecutive orgasms every 30 minutes, how about saving up with an even slower build-up and have a bigger orgasm and then stop! I suspect you and your inexperienced boyfriend are using the male model of sexual response that just doesn't apply to women.

A friend of mine could never lubricate with her boyfriend. But when they finally decided to have a threesome, sex with a woman had her dripping wet. Go figure. Also you might have so much anxiety to please this boy that you are unable to enjoy yourself. Start reading around the website and educate yourself about female sexuality and then share that information with him. Most all sophisticated women use additional lubrication to more fully enjoy sex.

Stimulating your clitoris during intercourse is what I recommend. Stop worrying about upsetting your overly delicate boyfriend. Don't sacrifice your own pleasure to please him. Most women are NOT able to orgasm from penis/vagina penetration. Be grateful you can reach even ONE orgasm. Maybe he needs to learn a few sexual skills.

Dr. Betty

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