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“Bodysex is a labor of love”, I remind myself while packing my suitcase - my phone set to a live FAA airport tracker.  There’s nothing like having 12 women, including myself, flying in from all over the world during a government shutdown. I felt my jaw tightening and my heart racing. “Take a breath” I told myself out loud, “one step at a time”….”oh and don’t forget your wand and barbell” – that thought made my laugh. 

How many people pack sex toys for a work trip to use during work? 

Heading into this Bodysex workshop, I felt fucking tired and overwhelmed. Carrying Betty’s legacy has been hard. When I moved to suburbia, it was to slow down and just be a mom. I’d gone through several rounds of skin cancer treatments and I had to get out of the city. Then Goop landed in my lap. That was two years of meetings and preproduction not knowing if it would ever see the light of day. It did and it was fabulous.

On the heels of Goop, the world went into covid lockdown – no interviews or appearances – no way to monetize or take a breath. And then my worst fear was realized: Betty started her decline - I couldn’t be there to hold her hand. I pivoted and took the work virtual – we filled her hospital room with flowers. I said my goodbye over the phone: no funeral…no gathering…no closure. But there would be a break.

Then a Hollywood studio called and wanted the rights to Betty’s life story. I said “yes” feeling obligated to take the opportunity (even if I didn’t have any creative input). The day I signed the contract my ears started ringing. They kept ringing for 18 months and stopped the day their option expired. But there would be a break.

Then the repeal of Roe v Wade and Maga took power. “What the fuck”, I thought. How can I advance sexual liberation for women when pregnant women are dying of sepsis? Who is going to take a workshop with tariffs and ICE raids? Canada is our second largest market.

Why do I have to push the boulder up the hill?” 

I fantasized about changing my phone number and penning some farewell social media post. “I could just go off grid”, I told myself, “write a book about my experiences with Betty”. It could be easy. It could be safe. It could be mine.”

It felt like I was standing on the edge of a precipice…..then Bodysex brought me back.

As soon as the women started filing in, my tension subsided. We had one participant flying in from Australia – another taking a flight the day of – everyone made it safe and sound. There is no sight more beautiful then 12 nude women sitting in the circle of differing ages and races all there for transformation. It renews my soul every time.

Two of the women were there as part of their certification process…another women had joined us in the circle several times over the years. I loved hearing her express how nurturing it was to be among “Bodysex” women because “I can just be myself”. We can be thoughtful and accomplished and sexual with no judgment. We are fully integrated in the circle. That is a tremendous unburdening.

Genital show and tell…erotic recess…group massage it was all stellar. What amazes me is how the experience is so consistent regardless of space or time or participant. We take off our clothes, we sit in the circle, we share and the outside world falls away. We are there for each other. One of the women described the experience as a giant “trust fall”. 

During our last share, one of the women asked if she could speak directly. She had a vision that our time was coming – that Bodysex was about to go global. My eyes filled with tears and I noticed there was a bee flying in the space. It was circling the ceiling and I felt my heart open. After Grayson was born, I started calling Betty “Aunt B”. Was it really Betty reincarnated as a bee, probably not…but it moved something in me. I felt her presence.

I realized that I could trust the universe to order my steps, to provide for me and Bodysex and the BAD Foundation. Thank you to all our participants for the trust and the love…and for catching me.

It was a beautiful weekend and soon we’ll be announcing two more “certified” Bodysex leaders. Our Aussie took some amazing photos that I’d thought I’d share here – I love my tattoo pic.