How Do You Get Comfortable Having Sex When Battling Erection Issues?

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Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I won't take up too much of your time. I will try my best to present the point of me contacting you. I am 38, married man who has 2 children. My wife is 46. We are eight years apart in ages. Okay, now that we got that away, now comes the hardest part. I have spoken to a marriage counselor for sometime now. I've countless sexual "hang-ups", and was wondering, will they eventually leave? Whenever I viewed pornography, I would masturbate to the oral sex movies. I had at one time, preferred masturbating to actual sex. Because I’m a lousy lover.

When my wife and I do actually have sex, I struggle with my erection by keeping my stamina and hardness throughout the act. Whenever I lose my erection, I merely roll over and become seriously pissed not with my wife but with myself. Because my penis can’t remain hard enough to screw her. My wife and I have tried anal sex. It worked for awhile. Now it doesn’t . As for oral sex, this too has been a problem for me. I’ve never been able to obtain an erection. Weird, right? I can't cum when she performs fellatio. When I perform oral stimulation on my wife, I'm still unable to obtain an erection. When I do obtain an erection, and I’m extremely hard, it hurts like hell, whenever I’m holding off. The pain would start at the head of my penis, down through the shaft and then the pain would move down to my testicles. We’ve tried mutual masturbation together, unfortunately, it never worked for me either. Learning to relax and eliminate distractions is something I have trouble dealing with.

And another thing, I used to get teased when I was a kid for not having a big Penis. For my actual size, I have no idea, I can't read a tape measure. I thought it was 8" but my ex-girlfriend, once told me I was 11". My wife says, she doesn't care what size I am. She's satisfied. I'm not. Learning to appreciate my body as it isn't an easy task. Yes ma'am, I have body insecurities, mostly mine. I'm working on that with counseling. Yes ma'am, sexual issues are no doubt preventing true closeness between my wife and I. Any solutions on how to be more comfortable with sex?



Dear T,

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you need to masturbate more. It matters what size your penis is to YOU. If it's truly 11 inches, it's not easy to pump blood into your monstrous dick. (The average is 5 and a half inches). I advise you to continue with masturbation on a regular basis. It allows you to keep the blood flowing into your penis, expanding the arteries.

Your youthful age is working for you if you have a decent diet and enjoy some kind of sport for fun. And a regular practice of masturbation beyond having partner sex. Even if you use porn, pumping blood into your penis will eventually ease the pain. While I support your counseling, you might want to check in with a good urologist about your penis pain.

Just rehashing your marital problems might not be enough. And count your blessings. Next time you loose your erection during fucking, make an effort to NOT hate yourself. Simply masturbate to an orgasm while your wife is doing something that pleases you. What would that be?

Dr Betty

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