Do I Leave Behind a Life of Stability & Security for a Need to Explore My Own Sexuality?

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Betty Dodson

Hi Betty

I have been in a long term relationship for nearly ten years. I m 30 years old. He is an amazing, kind loving man who will move the earth for me if he has too. However,if I have to be honest I m not sexually attracted to him any more. I have recently been seeing somebody else and the sex is off the charts. Do I leave behind a life of stability and security for a need to explore my own sexuality?

Please help so confused.

Dear M,

After ten years of sexual monogamy, I'd say it's about time you had some sexual experiences with others. After all, once we get married, the social expectation is remain faithful for the remainder of your life. I miserably failed at this. My stand is that when sex is good, it gets better. When it's ho hum, it will stay ho hum. It's never easy to break up a long term relationship but I believe it's more destructive to live a life without any sexual passion. Spending your entire twenties with one man seems extreme to me, so it's time for a little adventure.

Of course it would be nice if you could keep both Mr.Consistent along with Mr. Hot Stuff. However, I would never council anyone to not go with the great sex even though nothing lasts forever. Another option would be to give sex a little time to see if it cools down which would require negotiating a vacation from "going steady" at least for some period of time.

Dr. Betty

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