Boyfriend Can't Stay Hard

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Betty Dodson

Hi, Betty.

I've been seeing this 29 year old guy for about four months now & up until recently, we've had a great sex life. He has a little trouble staying hard when I perform oral sex but not when we have intercourse. He hasn't had this problem before. Also he told me he can't stay hard when he masturbates. So he assured me it wasn't because he didn't find me attractive or anything like that.

I'm just curious if he should seek help from a doctor because he says he's never had this problem before & I'm the only girl that has been able to achieve fellatio which leads me to believe it isn't me. (He had no problem when I modeled the Santa themed lingerie that was a gift for Christmas.) Thank you for any advice.

Dear A,

Unfortunately most doctors do not get any sex education to speak of. It sounds like your new BF might have some psychological reservations about enjoying anything other than procreative sex. Is he or his family orthodox Jews? If so, men can only ejaculate inside a woman's vagina. Otherwise I have no idea why he is so limited in enjoying the things most guys love and adore: jerking off and getting blow jobs.

If this limitation bothers him he might consider some short term counseling. Just remember, this is not your problem, so I recommend avoid becoming his therapist. When sexual relationships are new and present a problem, it's sometimes better to move along. Many women agree that when sex is a problem it usually get worse. When sex is good right at first, it usually gets better.

Dr. Betty


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