Ashamed of My Cuckolded Boyfriend Fantasies?
Dear Dr. Betty.
It's quite a struggle to admit this to myself, let alone relay this over the internet, but alas I come here with a very shameful and confusing problem. My partner and I have been together for 4 months, and are to my knowledge very happy and satisfied with our relationship. Yet for some reason for the past month or so I've found the only way I can bring myself to orgasm while he's giving oral sex is to imagine him with another woman - any woman. I've become attracted to the deceit, to the betrayal. I become aroused at the thought of him being so turned on he would betray our relationship to get what he wants. It's a horrible feeling to know that I have to open up this dark masochistic corner of my mind to achieve physical pleasure.
I have told him about every other sex fantasy I've ever been aroused by as I have been neither ashamed nor worried - he is a very understanding and "sexperienced" male - but this one I just can't cope with. When I am not in any sexual state of mind, the idea of him 'cheating' sickens me - yet I will myself to imagine it to get pleasure from it?
It definitely isn't your run-of-the-mill problem, but I really hope you can help me dissect it a little further. I want to be able to be aroused solely by what is happening between us, rather than having to outsource things from my imagination. But more than that, I want to be able to orgasm in a way that shows respect and care for my own self and happiness.
You are unnecessarily torturing yourself by judging one of your fantasies very harshly. Followed by a gooey romantic fantasy of only wanting to respond to some kind of ideal "true love" fairy tale--a Sleeping Beauty kind of fantasy. You say "It's a horrible feeling to know that I have to open up this dark masochistic corner of my mind to achieve physical pleasure." My response? Stop morally judging a fantasy that helps you enjoy your orgasms.
My fantasies are so delightfully filthy dirty that I've often said if the "authorities of decency" could see inside my head, I'd be put in jail! Don't let the thought police and moralists censor your dirty fantasies. Keep them out of your mind. Pleasure is it's own reward. Fantasies of rape, torture and other masochistic tidbits turn us on because it's "Forbidden Fruit" (just like in the Bible.) Yum, yum! Pass the apple again, please. I want another BIG orgasm.