Am I Less of a Woman Because Penetration is Painful?

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Carlin Ross

Dear Betty,

I'm 17 years old and I'm now in a committed relationship (of 2 years) to where I feel ready and comfortable enough to engage in sexual activities and I am dying to take it to the next level, penetration! I was super excited to try this with my girlfriend (and even a bit nervous of course).

We bought a strap-on and when the time came to do the do, it wouldn't go in! It was extremely painful, but we took our time and slowly got it not even half way in but I was determined to get this thing in me one way or another. As it went deeper it was getting more and more painful and burning terribly, and all the while my girlfriend kept encouraging me to keep trying and that it was normal to be that painful the first time, but it just didn't feel right to me.

I should mention that I was sexually abused at the age of 11 and I feel it may have something to do with that, because the thought of something entering my vagina is actually terrifying to part of me and for the longest i couldn't even be fingered because it was painful. Don't even get me started on tampons! So, I did some research and discovered the condition "vaginismus" and I felt sad and happy that this is something that can be fixed, but I want an experts opinion before I go diagnosing myself.

I feel ashamed and weak for not being able to do the one thing that all girls are supposed to be able to do. I feel hopeless and I just want answers and to be told, "hey, you're not any less of a girl because you cant do this."


Hopless Girl

Dear Hopeless Girl,

The clitoris is your primary sex organ for pleasure and the vagina is the birth canal. We recommend that every girl practice vaginal penetration with herself FIRST. A dildo has no sensation and your GF can only visually see whats happening.

It's important to be turned on FIRST with a lot of clitoral stimulation and to use copious amounts of organic massage oil before penetration takes place.

I have always found that while a strap on is visually exciting, the person wearing it has a minimum of control. For first time penetration, YOU need to be in control. Practice by yourself first and have a very hot fantasy in mind beforehand. Start with a very small dildo not much bigger than two fingers. Good quality silicone is advisable and LOTS of organic massage oil for your vagina and her dildo.

Dr. Betty

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