December's Bodysex Workshop was a Turning Point for Me
December's Bodysex workshop was a turning point for me. I now see my role - my place in this world - so clearly. It feels like the end of a long journey back home.
Heading into the weekend I was triggered by a visit with my parents at my new home. In one brief exchange, decades of repressed memories came flooding back. This one moment kept playing and replaying in my mind. Talking it over with Betty, I knew that I needed the workshop just as much as every woman traveling to the circle. I don't think I've ever looked forward to a group more. Bodysex is my grounding.
We had women from coast to coast and several local New Yorkers (which is super rare). When we went around the circle for the first share, I was astounded at the achievements, the perseverance, and the innate strength of my gender. There were several women who had suffered the greatest losses you can in this life. They had survived. They were here. It gave me pause. It recast my own pain against their deeper need for pleasure and joy.
Genital show and tell was profound like it always is - this time I went through the hand-outs describing the internal clitoris and the complexity of our sex organ. Betty watched in approval. There's this smile that spreads across her face that feels like the sun shining on my skin. She is proud of me. She is confident in my ability to take her legacy forward. Our connection transcends biology or friendship or romance. We are forever bound.
One of my favorite moments on Day 2 is the beginning of erotic recess. We all stand - facing each other - wands in hand. Betty has us place our feet hip distance apart, bend our knees, and run our vibrators up through each chakra on our bodies. We laugh and smile and sway our hips. It feels so natural - the opposite of our sexual conditioning where you keep your eyes closed, don't utter and word and wait to be dominated. We should all be able to express ourselves sexually in a warm, loving, and playful environment with no demands or expectations or fears. What greater healing is there than to be seen, heard, and supported in a group?
I had several orgasms but could feel tension in the room. Several of the women needed "help". Orgasm coaching isn't about some special technique; it's not one size fits all. It's really about being present for your client, watching their body and staying with them as they receive pleasure. You're not giving them an orgasm but supporting them as they experience a new sensation. Women have so many layers of guilt, shame, negative body image, and pleasure anxiety that having someone there to guide you - to get you out of your mind and back in to your body - is necessary.
At one point while I was working with a woman, my leg touched the woman sitting next to us. This tingle went up my spine, down through my hands, and into this woman's body. The energy traveled through all three of us. It was amazing. In these moments, I feel humbled. Female sexuality is so deep and powerful and it remains largely ignored. I want to fund research and spend months running circles in remote locations keeping journals of all these experiences. Womankind is divine.
There was one woman in the circle that I knew I had to support. Her loss is my greatest fear. As I sat in front of her, she offered that she had her period. I replied that it made no difference to me. I accepted her. As I held the barbell and watched her body response, I saw that she was distracted by another woman leaving to use the bathroom. I patted her leg and said, "stay with me. I know...you're a good mother". She relaxed and we moved through several build ups and one orgasm. She could have gone longer but it was time for group massage. She turned to get up and I asked her to lie back down. I grabbed several wet wipes and cleaned her vulva and inner thighs with my head bowed. This was the moment when I transcended "leader" and "stunt cunt" to become "servant".
Where do we go to replenish our bodies, our sexual selves, after trauma and tragedy? Where are the temples and sacred prostitutes of yore? We demean orgasm and limit it's healing potential by relegating pleasure to heterosexual, procreative expression. Orgasm is so much more; it is our life force and the practitioners willing to guide others back to pleasure deserve a place in our society that is esteemed and honored. I will spend the next few decades of my life in service to womankind. I know that it won't earn me accolades or awards but I do believe that the ripple I send out into the universe will be recognized somehow and in some way for eternity.