Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Betty, please help me!

I'm a 40-year-old woman, frustrated w/my orgasms. I'm able to reach orgasm multiple times (either with a male partner in bed or on my own), but I've gotten used to the digital stimulation that I do. When in bed w/a partner, I do get very aroused but can't come unless I touch myself. If I feel comfortable doing that (which hinges on my partner's reaction), then I can come in as quickly as 60 seconds though it often takes longer. I move my hand once I've started coming and let my partner go from there. However, a pattern has developed where eventually my partner expresses regret/dissatisfaction because he wants "to be the one who makes (me) come."

Hello Betty,

I'm now 19 and am lucky enough to have been following your work, and have become somewhat of a fangirl.

My question is a bit odd but I'm hoping you can shed a light on it. I am female bodied and identify as female. I find that I'm squirting significantly after I orgasm, it can be a few minutes, but sometimes even hours later. Sometimes it happens because of a cough, sneeze, etc. and sometimes it just happens out of nowhere. My partner doesn't know I can ejaculate and doesn't like female ejaculation, so it's really stressful leading up to it. I usually have no sign it's going to happen. it's not an often occurrence, either.

Thanks!

Dear N,

Betty,

I have a question for you. My partner and I are trying to find a method of birth control that is perfect for both of us. I'm not interested in any type of hormonal contraceptives, or an IUD. I want something that leaves me in a natural state. We've been using condoms but both of us prefer skin to skin contact during intercourse. After hearing you talk so highly of the diaphragm we are considering this as our option.

My only concern is the taste of the spermicide. I have heard awful things about the taste and numbness that it can create and I was wondering what your experience is with the use of spermicide in the diaphragm and oral sex. My partner and I both love oral sex and cutting that out is not an options. Thanks for your sharing you knowledge!

Dear T,

Hi Betty,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for sometime (five years) and now we are talking about getting married. Even set a date and soon we will be getting a ring.

For at least two months though my boyfriend has been having trouble staying hard. He says he isn't happy with his weight and not comfortable with the way he looks so that is why. I feel it could be a combination of things. One he drinks too much, and two he is taking anti-anxiety medication, and possibly the talk of the wedding has him nervous. I've asked him if it was me and sometimes I feel that is the problem too. We also have sex less frequently. I know I'm responsible for my orgasm when he is not around or when I want one. But I feel like we used to be more together.

Hello Betty!

First I want to thank you for your wonderful website and all the information on here which has helped me tremendously transform my sexual well-being from practically zero to excellent! Also I want to thank you, Carlin, and everyone else for helping me realize many things about femininity. It is so true that females are being oppressed by the male-dominant world!

I had FGM when i was 12, now i'm 22 and never had any kind of sexual experience in my life, never been touched by a guy, i'm afraid i won't feel anything. i tried masturbating and there's nothing, it's ticklish down there but no pleasure at all. I have part of my clitrois left..there's a very small part left.

Where i live (egypt) there's nothing such as reconstructive surgery..so is there any advice on how i can have a normal sex life?? or at least a satisfying sex life? i know you met many women who had FGM and maybe you have some advice for me.

Dear R,

Fortunately the clitoris is a much larger organ than the tip of the glans which is what we can see on the outside. The clitoris is quite extensive. Here's a link to me drawing the internal clitoris.

Hi,
I've never been a big fan of oral sex, but my current boyfriend really seems to like it so I want to get better at it. Problem is, I cannot seem to "hide" my teeth well and hurt him. He is very thick, and I do not have a big mouth. Please give me as many tricks as you can!!!

Thanks!

Dear M,

Hello Dr. Betty,

I have been reading the wealth of information on your site for some time now and it has proved invaluable to my understanding of my wife's needs, has increased the quality of our sexual relationship and has improved the maturity of my views on what constitutes a mature, healthy sexual relationship. It's like free therapy and I thank you.

Hi Dr. Betty,

My boyfriend is a god, he's great with his hands, great with his mouth and everything else. He gets off making me feel good. He's amazing! But I've never had an orgasm, every time I get close I get freaked out, if I'm masturbating, I stop, if it's my boyfriend, I end up fighting him off. The feeling of getting there is already so intense that my body freaks out before climax and I have to stop. Please help.

Dear L,

Hi Betty.

Recently I've rediscovered the joy of sex, and now I want to put an effort in to trying to get an orgasm, which I still haven't had at the age of 34, not on my own and not with a guy.

A few days back I was masturbating, using only my fingers. I had 1 finger inside my vagina pressing up towards the g-spot and making sideways motions, and the other hand was rubbing my clitoris. After a while I felt this warm and burning feeling in my vulva, my feet were moving like drumsticks and it was really good, but I didn't feel any contractions. My hands and fingers at that time were so tired that I couldn't control them properly anymore so I had to stop. Would you say that this was close to an orgasm and that if I just had continued I probably would have got an orgasm?

K

Hello Betty,

Before I start off, I must say that I am really enjoying everything that you and all your readers and contributors have put out on here.
It's great to get some frank talk about sex and masturbation.

My question is this, and I'm sorry if it's a repeat of another person's question. I have 2 boys, aged 6 and 3 (as of next month). My oldest son seems to constantly have his hands down his pants. For the most part, I think that he just puts them there because it's a comfortable way to sit, and I simply remind him to take his hands out of his pants. There are other times, though, that he has his pants down and is full-on masturbating, usually while watching tv.

I used to be able to orgasm with my hands quite reliably and always with a vibrator. UP until my mid-forties I always used masturbation to reach orgasm with a partner. Oral sex brought it about on occasion but never reliably (the last time I came with oral sex was at Burning Man 1998!), though I can get very close this way, and also during intercourse, it seems I hang on the threshold forever.

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am a 27 year old woman who has not had an orgasm since I was 15. I don't know what happened. There was a guy that I liked and he attempted to give me oral sex. All was well until the moment where I was about to release and I somehow stopped myself. I tried everything but, nothing seems to work. Now I have a boyfriend who wants more than anything to please me. The first time he went down on me all was well but, I did not cum.

Is there something wrong with me?

Dear E,

Dr. Betty,

I first of course want to say that your website has changed my life and I am so thankful for the work that you guys do liberating womens' sexuality (reading it made me realize I'm not a freak or unnatural to believe what I've always believed about sex).. it's really a beautiful thing.

Hi Betty,

I was referred to you by a friend of my boyfriends after a conversation we had last week. I am 21 and i have been active for 3 years, and up until now i have not had sex with anyone who could even get me close to climax, nor have i done much self loving. Since me and my now BF have started having sex he hasnt gotten me close a few times, just as i have myself the few times ive been alone, but every single time the same thing happens to me when i think i reach climax. Suddenly all the tension building up in my body releases and everything happening feels really akward to me and i get sensitive but it doesnt feel good at all. What is causing this and how can i stop it so that i can actually finish my orgasm and come?

Dear B,