Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

New female clients, married or in a long-term relationship, tell me how heavy their burden is with frustration and dread vis a vie sex with their partner.

There has been an accumulation of resentments over the years, mistakes made by the both of them. The frustration comes from trying so many times and hoping this time will be the one for great sex, but the same outcome happens once again-- no orgasm. They want better sex...amazing sex, but negativity is often what looms in their minds.

Firstly, I had a great last two days with clients and their progress. From a married couple who saw me six months ago talking to me saying how they've fallen in love again and can't wait to have sex to a present client learning more about how to make her and his orgasm stronger with very simple methods. I'll blog on that next.

I've mentioned in previous blog posts how I'm not always impressed by scientific studies of sex and the conclusions they draw. However, there are studies that do impress me and are a benefit to my sex life and those of my sex coaching clients. This article on the biochemical make-up of semen effecting women's moods and combatting depression symptoms is interesting.

My good friend and fellow sex teacher, Tallulah Sulis, is putting on her first selfloving-focused sex party for women only in Oakland Hills, CA this Saturday.

This reminds me of my mentor Betty's Bodysex groups she did during the 80's and early 90's. The Bodysex groups were education-based sexual gatherings of women where Betty guided the group through a wide variety of activities from group discussions to live vulva viewings, sex education, female masturbation teaching, and finally a group masturbation circle on the final day where the women would apply the skills learned first hand and share in the group's sex energy with all its sounds and sights.

Many years ago, I had a co-worker who frequently showed up for work covered in bruises - a gift from her drug abusing boyfriend. These bruises were huge, all over her body, and were as black as his rage must have been.

I begged her to leave him, offered to store her furniture, and spent countless hours trying to help her problem solve her situation(part-time job, no money, alcohol abuse, and a boyfriend who mistook her for a punching bag). It was to no avail. Everything I recommended,  she shot down. She was too afraid.

Okay everyone, finish reading this blog post before you click to the pages I reference. I write this to make it more clear for people what precisely I and my mentor Betty Dodson do for our clients more effectively than a sex therapist or sexologists. Plus, how sex studies can be flawed and why, from my perspective.

Here's that article on www.yourtango.com, a sex and relationships site I'm a part of, where a scientific study determines new findings on the parts of women's bodies that men are attracted to, plus women with high heels and long legs vs flats, produced some skewed findings. It's not the first time by far that I've seen sexology drop the ball. Read the comments section for my responses to it.

Here is the link to an article I wrote on some of what I teach for clitoral stimulation for a site I'm a part of called www.yourtango.com/proconnect

Here is an article from TheFrisky.com where the author, Nikki Dowling, lists the major things she's learned about lesbians and her girlfriend in general after having left heterosexuality for a lesbian sex life and relationship.

I like her quote that states, "It's the individual that makes relationships differ-- not the gender." Her article, by the way, is written much like I prefer to write about sex and relationships. It gives readers a bit of an insider's perspective that they'd otherwise remain ignorant of.

I have been getting a lot of feedback from a lot of different straight women along the way telling me they want the nice guy AND "bad boy" all in the same man. Clients have told me this, past and present lovers, their friends, my female friends, and their friends too. They're tired and angry with having to choose between one of two men. Door number one: he'll be a best friend, do the dishes every night, give you chicken noodle soup when you're sick, and key to it all, have the capability for open-hearted, sweet interactions, affection and hopefully father your children.

Door number two: he's hot, super-confident in every way with you socially and sexually, he makes his desire for you very clear in a deep voice and then backs it up when the time comes, and the key to this door is passionate, competant, devouring-you fucking of one sort or another.

Here is part two of my client Rachel's erotica, starting with my commentary and exchange we had via email after I read it. Here is the link to part one, which has the erotica she wrote in its entirety. We discuss below how her sex life coaching with me has transformed her marriage to her husband of around twenty years or more.
Amaranth: This may be the best you've written so far. Now, just step back for a
moment and look back at how you and Oren were when you werent having
this level of sex life. Before you started working with me. It seems like another life that's dead and gone,
doesn't it? Like a dream maybe? Look at what youre doing together now!
What do you think about that?!

This is Rachel's latest erotica based on the sex she's now having with her husband Oram [i]after having been a client of mine for the past six months, once a month for an hour and a half or so via my Skype talk-teaching option. Here is a link to my last blog post on Rachel that also has links to all the other posts with her erotica. Again, I post clients' writings on their sex lives when they want it posted. I no longer post my own info about clients' sessions or progress (anonymously done when I did so).

The night before last, I co-hosted Planned Parenthood's fundraiser, Summer Sex and Spirits with my mentor, Betty Dodson, and Carlin Ross. I chatted with VIP's before the main event began and had some really fun and interesting conversations about sex and learning sex skills, and also gave some individual sex advice.

Twice that night, and many times in the past, I had to deal with a cliche about me as a man teaching women about sex: that because I don't have a vagina and a clitoris and all the other parts and spots in-between, I allegedly can't possibly be as qualified as a woman's sex life coach.
My complete answer to that is the following:

Here is the link to www.wellandgoodnyc.com and the new online article out about me written by a woman in attendance's take on my Wine and Chocolate Sex Salon for Women. It was a great night with all the women present, about eight of them, leaving happy and thrilled from my sex advice and learning some of what I consider my most important information on female sexuality and female orgasm in its different forms and new ways to use sex toys you may have never thought of before, alone or with your partner.

By the end of the session, one woman, who started out with a viewpoint of sex as "making love" to your beloved is the highest sexform to asking me with a coy-firey voice if I was available to play as non-monogamous lovers-- in the sexform readers of my erotica recognize. The reason I mention this is not to brag. It's to show how a woman sold on the superiority of "making love" became equally interested in high quality carnal sexuality after taking in my info.