Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dr. Betty,

I am 21 years old and I believe my orgasms and sexual self-esteem have forever been tainted. When I was a young teen, about 14 or 15, I believe I was having orgasms voluntarily. I could sit a certain way and I would have great sensations and vaginal contractions. It felt good and I believed I was in the small minority of women who could have orgasms that easily.

I was enjoying myself by doing this whenever I wanted until I told one of my friends about it. I was 16 and still a virgin at the time, she was not, and as I explained it to her she assured me that what I was feeling was not an orgasm and that I'd know what a real orgasm is like after I had sex.

My girlfriend has amazing thighs. Defined and powerful, yet feminine and hot. Calves too. When she's in heels and has her thighs pressed together, her legs create a second and third hourglass shape via her 37" hips at the top tapering down her thighs to her knees (the narrow point of the hourglass) then rounding back out via her toned, curvacious calves and to the floor with her tapered ankles and cute feet in heels that taper yet again for the third h-glass.

I call that the lower h-glasses. I love finding subtle ways to appreciate the female form in all its variations. It gives the mind the variation it's programmed to crave. See all the sights in addition to the ones you hunger for the most.

Nicole Daedone gives a beautiful talk about what brought her to the cause for female pleasure. I can't help but get insanely excited each time I discover another woman championing the cause of pleasure as the vital ingredient in social progress.

Plus it makes me even more certain that the work Betty has been doing for decades needs mainstream recognition and acknowledgment so that women know there are resources out there to fight the cultural "pleasure deficit disorder" our society suffers from.

MRI scans taken while participants were masturbating reveal what happens to your brain at the moment of orgasm:

"Over 30 areas of my brain are activated as I move from start to finish, including those involved in touch, memory, reward and even pain. As [researcher Barry] Komisaruk expected, the imagined clitoral touches and Kegel exercises activated the same brain areas as real ones, albeit with somewhat less blood flow.

Here is some more of my real-life sex erotica.  It's based on what I'd call "a One Day Stand" with a late twenty-something we'll call Vivian. She's a past lover I haven't seen in a while and lives in another state. Sometimes I write erotica long after the sex, sometimes sooner. When inspiration hits, I go with it. This post has some good sex in a hotel advice too.

Pictured below are a stick of lip balm (for scale) a tube of Aloelife water-based lubricant, which is my current water-based lube of choice. Beside it is a mini spray bottle from a store called Muji. Below is our first time trying the Muji sprayer and other first times last weekend morning.

1. According to David Buss and Cindy Meston in their best-selling book Why Women Have Sex, women who have smaller breasts are more sensitive to erotic stimulation than their more endowed sisters. Plus, breast sensitivity tends to decrease with age in all women.

We all know how massage parlors with "happy endings" have been available for men for the usual reasons for quite a while. It came up in conversation recently about whether women have done that, assuming the opportunity was there, and where.

Here is a story on a woman who went out on a quest in New York City to see which spa she could get her orgasm from and leave with that glow that men traditionally value in their lives.

I just finished shooting/directing a DVD on the subject of energetic-sex mastery. So this week, I thought it would be cool to share some insights on the subject.

Firstly, what is energetic sexuality, or energy-sex?

I sometimes call energy-sex hands off, clothes on sex. We can conceptualize energy-sex as that which happens when we find ourselves magnetically attracted to somebody for no apparent conscious reason. Whatever that feeling in the body is - that pull - that “energy”, that’s what we are talking about. It’s as if, for a moment, the entire world disappears and we are engulfed in the desire to deeply connect with another human being.

Here is the link to an article I wrote on some of what I teach for clitoral stimulation for a site I'm a part of called www.yourtango.com/proconnect

Here is an article from TheFrisky.com where the author, Nikki Dowling, lists the major things she's learned about lesbians and her girlfriend in general after having left heterosexuality for a lesbian sex life and relationship.

I like her quote that states, "It's the individual that makes relationships differ-- not the gender." Her article, by the way, is written much like I prefer to write about sex and relationships. It gives readers a bit of an insider's perspective that they'd otherwise remain ignorant of.

The night before last, I co-hosted Planned Parenthood's fundraiser, Summer Sex and Spirits with my mentor, Betty Dodson, and Carlin Ross. I chatted with VIP's before the main event began and had some really fun and interesting conversations about sex and learning sex skills, and also gave some individual sex advice.

Twice that night, and many times in the past, I had to deal with a cliche about me as a man teaching women about sex: that because I don't have a vagina and a clitoris and all the other parts and spots in-between, I allegedly can't possibly be as qualified as a woman's sex life coach.
My complete answer to that is the following: