casual sex

If I Met Him in a Fetish Club, Does He Have a STD?

Thu, 11/02/2017 - 15:25
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

First, thank you. You have helped me so much over the years.

I am 30. I am in a situation in which I have no idea what to do. I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago, and the sex is amazing. We connect on so many levels, though he has not verbally 'locked it down' into a monogamous relationship. I am traveling right now, and went to a fetish club. Wow. I met a man there and we danced. There was a lot of kissing and intimate touching. I felt something special and I am drawn in. He has offered to meet in private before I go. My first thought was 'yes', but then my friend told me how dangerous this is because he goes to fetish clubs and probably has an STD. Is this true, or stigmatizing a community?

What Can I Say When Criticized for Casual Sex & Multiple Partners?

Sun, 02/26/2017 - 14:15
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello! Thanks for your time.

I don't know how to respond to people about this. I know the insult isn't justified, but I do like sleeping with multiple guys. People say I put myself at risk too much. Not just about STDs but also for pregnancy. The funny thing, is that I risk being preggo much less often than lots of ppl in relationships do! Like if I hookup a few times a month vs most people who have sex with their partner at least a few times a week.

They say it's different though, since they know each other if a baby happens. But I feel like the overall consequence is the same. Plus I usually take less risk, I'm on BC, use condoms, and usually ask him to pullout even with a condom on. I know plenty of couples that just solely rely on the pill.

Finding Sexual Fulfillment is So Easy for Him & Difficult for Me

Thu, 06/04/2015 - 07:29
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

My (recent) ex engages in a lot of casual sex, & never has any trouble finding a willing partner whenever he wants. I feel *really* bitter that finding (at least some basic level of) sexual fulfillment is so easy for him, & comparatively so difficult for me. I'm convinced that the cards are stacked against me in a variety of (mostly gendered ways) - ie casual sex is a much riskier proposition for me (in terms of pregnancy as well as risk of violence), weeding out the misogynists is hard & exhausting work, a lot of straight men are selfish or just bad lovers, etc....&, in my opinion, there are just not nearly as many attractive men as there are attractive women.

How Can I be an Ethical Slut?

Tue, 07/02/2013 - 08:11
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have recently started having sex with a man (I'm 20 and he is 24) from Ghana (i am a white female from the US that only speaks English). We can communicate on some level but there is definitely a language barrier. I met him at a work event and we ended up (safely) fucking in my car after our shifts. I feel like I respected him and we both had orgasms but I didn't care if it ever happened again.

Women Want Sex Just as Much as Men Do

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 09:30
Submitted by Lawrence Lanoff

When it comes to casual sex, are men and women really that different?

My girlfriend explored that question in her recent blog, which began my exploration of the subject. For starters, most people would argue that men and women are different when it comes to sex. But here is the inescapable conclusion I have come to over the years: women want sex as much as men do - however, they require different conditions for casual sex to be appealing. This has been both my observation and my experience.

I'm Scared to be Physical if I'm Not Committed. How Can I Get Over This?

Wed, 05/25/2011 - 08:44
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi I saw your videos on youtube a few days ago and have been hooked!

I am learning so much that I had never know about sex and orgasms. I am a 19 year old female and my question/problem is that I am so uncomfortable around guys that I get embarrassed and nervous to even kiss guys. when I am physical with them I get so embarrassed. I have had sex with two partners and had been in monogamous relationships with them. but both have cheated on me. I am currently single and have been wanting more physical relationships without the commitment. I am both scared to commit and scared to be physical with someone I am not committed to. How can I get over this ? and is this normal?

Dear J,

Sex, and Intimacy, and BS, Oh My

cogold13's picture
Thu, 09/16/2010 - 21:39
Submitted by cogold13

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/09/15/taking_a_lover_at_50

The above link was recently posted on Salon.  It was written by a single 50 year old woman who had a casual sexual arrangement with an old friend.   I wanted to share this article because I could identify with the writer's concerns, but up to a point.  Now, don't mistake my italicized statement as a vehement disagreement with what the article said.  It isn't for me to agree or disagree with another's personal story.  I greatly appreciate her willingness to talk about sex, especially considering where the story was posted and the 'demographics' of some Salon readers (some of these demographics are highlighted in the comments).

Casual Sex On the Rise

Tue, 06/09/2009 - 09:31
Submitted by Carlin Ross

When it comes down to it, relationships take a ton of time.  I never thought of the hookup as the replacement for dating...and I never thought of it as a time management issue.  Thank you NPR for this piece on Sex Without Intimacy:

The hookup - that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students - is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world. For the many who are delaying the responsibilities of marriage and child-rearing, hooking up has virtually replaced dating.

It is a major shift in the culture over the past few decades, says Kathleen Bogle, a professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University.

Young people during one of the most sexually active periods of their lives aren't necessarily looking for a mate. What used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached.

Sex & the Single Mom II

Giving up your sexual guilt and learning to accept pleasure....it all started when her mother found her diary and read all the lurid details. It set her free!


32:12 minutes (36.86 MB)

Sex & The Single Mom I

Moms need to get off too. My high school BFF Lien and I caught up on our Catholic school girl days, group sex romps, and social networking for sex.


17:31 minutes (20.05 MB)