can't orgasm

Is It True Some Women Just Can't Orgasm?

Wed, 07/19/2017 - 07:47
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am 22 years old and I'm not sure I've ever had an orgasm.

I'm originally from Eastern Europe, and had a religious upbringing. I remember being a preteen and asking my mother what sex was like, and she replied "not fun". I always felt guilty about having sexual thoughts, and didn't even allow myself to masturbate until I was 17. As of now I'm in a good relationship with a guy who makes me feel comfortable and I'm finally starting to enjoy sex. I've even found that anal play is a lot of fun!

But I don't come when I'm with my boyfriend, and it never happens when I'm alone either. I try to masturbate with a vibrator, feel like I'm getting into it, and then the feeling suddenly goes away.

Pleasure is Learned

Thu, 12/01/2016 - 14:37
Submitted by Betty Dodson
Original Drawing Betty Dodson

I can’t write a number large enough to cover the amount of emails I get from young, middle-aged, and older woman asking me how to have an orgasm. The constant refrain is that they have tried EVERYTHING and they still can’t come!

Some get a good feeling when they lie on their stomachs and clench their legs together or hump pillows or rolled up blankets until they get some mild feelings but when they roll over and try with their fingers or a vibrator, nothing much happens. Or if it does, those little mild sensations simply could not be an orgasm. Even if she feels her vagina contract or pulsates, she denies anything like an orgasm could have taken place.

For Everyone Struggling in Search of an Orgasm

Sat, 06/18/2016 - 08:01
Submitted by Betty Dodson
Betty Dodson Original Drawing

I just read several question from women in their teens to fifty and beyond searching for their first orgasm. This sexual suffering seems never ending and it breaks my heart. Something totally natural has been perverted by religions in male dominated cultures. This is when wives and mothers are turned into a sexual police force controlling their daughters to be virgins until they're married. Patriarchy could never survive without a matriarchy to keep it in place.

Alcohol, Sobriety and Liandra's Loss of Libido

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:45
Submitted by Anonymous

Betty recently posted a question from a woman who had lost the ability to orgasm after she quit drinking. The question really got me thinking I should share because I lost my libido at the same age as this woman, 28. At that age I had also quit drinking for 12 months and that directly coincided with my total loss of libido. When I say 'total loss' I mean I also lost my ability to orgasm during masturbation as well as sex. It started me on a journey of researching health, diet and orgasm that I find endlessly fascinating. 

I Feel a Tickling Sensation & Stop Before I Orgasm

Wed, 04/06/2011 - 08:52
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am a twenty year old female and have been having sex with my boyfriend for about eight months. I can't seem to reach orgasm from manual stimulation by myself or with him. I even bought a vibrator and used it hoping to experience the big "O." I can feel myself getting close (or what I think is close) but it is like a tickling sensation and I have to stop before I feel any kind of release. I usually get sore for a couple days after I masturbate or after my boyfriend stimulates me. I've tried everything I can think of to orgasm but I just can't get myself to do it! I don't feel l womanly because I cannot orgasm. Help me, please!


Dear B,

Could Anti-Depressants Keep Me From Orgasming?

Sat, 06/19/2010 - 10:50
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I am a 20 year old female who has been sexually active for almost three years, and has been masturbating for as long as I can remember. But I have a problem: I've never orgasmed. At least I think I haven't. I've tried everything I can think of. I've used my fingers, toys, had lovers try to help, tried every position I can possibly think of and I few I looked up. I've looked up countless videos and advice online, and nothing seems to help. I just never get to that moment of amazing pleasure.

Can't Have Consistent Orgasms

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 12:34
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm sure this question has been brought up several times but I have to ask for myself...I spent 2.5 years in an abusive relationship when the main goal of sex was for my boyfriend to orgasm, not me. I was just used to letting him use me to get his nut off. I thought I was passed that when I had sex with my next partner and had orgasms no problem. Now I'm in another serious relationship, my next relationship since the bad one, and I can't consistently have an orgasm.

Why Can't I Orgasm?

Wed, 07/08/2009 - 11:34
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm a virgin, but I think about sex a lot. Boys aren't attracted to me (I'm straight) and erotica provides no release. I've tried masturbating, but no matter what I do I can't orgasm although I get very wet. And when I touch my clitoris no matter how light or if I move in small circles, take my time or indirectly rub, it doesn't feel at all pleasurable or arousing. It feels weird I guess, but not good. When I was a child I discovered that if my bladder was full and I applied pressure it felt very good.

Sex Is Enjoyable But No Orgasm

Wed, 04/29/2009 - 16:40
Submitted by Betty Dodson


I sure hope you can help! I am 20 years old and have never been able to orgasm, or even feel like I have come close! I have tried to take advice from friends (since that always works great), but still with no result. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have been having sex for 3. He is very understanding and tells me to just relax, and masturbate, and we try all kinds of different things. He is determined to make me cum. But when I masturbate I get bored and tired, and in sex if we keep at it for too long it just becomes too uncomfortable for me! I still enjoy sex even if I don't orgasm, and my BF would stimulate me all night if he had too, but I start to feel bad. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Masturbated with Magic Wand, Thought I Peed, & Never Orgasmed

Tue, 01/06/2009 - 15:47
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I am 27 years old, never had an orgasm. I'm married 5 years with 2 kids. Just recently, frustrated with myself and with what I am missing, made it my number 1 priority over the next 5 weeks to work on learning how to have an orgasm through masturbation. I read your articles, plus a few books, and began working with the Magic Wand.

Boyfriend Has Small Penis & Can't Orgasm

Thu, 12/04/2008 - 16:09
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Help me please, Doctor Betty!

My new partner, whom I adore, struggles for his orgasm. I was married to a man with a larger cock (8inches, filled me, hurt sometimes) and my new man has a much smaller one. I feel guilty all the time and am frantically doing pelvic floor exercises! I frequently suggest anal sex, assuming he needs something a little 'tighter'. My gorgeous man is very sexually experienced and I am now expressing my sexuality and enjoying threesomes with him and he loves to watch me with other women, but now I can't relax and enjoy our threesome sex as I'm she tighter than me? Does he enjoy her more than me? Can you give me some reassurance about my vagina and my ability to please my man? I've never had this problem before.

First & Only Orgasm at 18 Riding Boyfriend's Knee

Tue, 11/25/2008 - 17:22
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

Okay, I am 42 years old and I have had 1 orgasm in my life, which was while I was still a virgin at 18 yrs old!! It was so overwhelming, I fainted afterwards. My boyfriend at the time and I were just making out in his car, I was riding his leg, and pretty soon this feeling started overtaking me, and he wouldn't let me stop riding his leg....and orgasm. From what I remember, it was amazing. Now I am 42 and haven't had one since then.

Clitoral Hood Swollen & Can't Orgasm

Fri, 10/17/2008 - 08:14
Submitted by Betty Dodson

In the past three years, I have developed a very annoying problem that has greatly interferred with my sexual relationship with my boyfriend. When my clitoris is touched either orally, manually or with a vibrator, the clitoral hood becomes swollen and covers my clitoris to the point where I can't achieve orgasm. I need the direct contact and am no longer getting It. Would a female circumcision help? I think it would....but what is the cause of the swelling. I never had it before. I am 55 and have not had a period for 4 years.

Afraid I'll Fart or Pee if I Orgasm During Sex

Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:10
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello, I am super embarrassed to even ask this, but ok I am 20 years old and I lost my virginity when I was 16, and I have had 7 partners and still none of them have been able to give me an orgasm, I have had plenty orgasms through the clitoris through masturbation, but never have I been able to reach one during intercourse through my g spot. I think I am just scared and do not let it happen, but I am sooo sexually frustrated.

My Orgasms Go Away

Mon, 04/14/2008 - 23:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson


I know you must get hundreds of questions - your reputation even here in the UK is amazing. I have never been able to orgasm through sex or masturbation. I rarely try with my fingers but even when I try with a vibrator - nothing. What happens is that I get to the point when I feel 'contractions' - like something is going to happen and then the feeling goes away. I have been to psychosexual councelling briefly - but was told that there was nothing wrong and had no further sessions. This really is having a massive effect on my life - I feel like I have sex out of duty because I don't get anything out of it - and I just don't feel normal. And most of all I feel like I am missing out on something amazing. As i get to the 'point' - I just need to go that extra few steps. I really hope it is nothing physical - I just don't know. Please help me!