Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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“Can I tie you?” he asked and I readily agreed. I was on sex camp and he was holding these beautiful bundles of burgundy rope in his hands. This would be my first time experiencing Shibari bondage. I sat between his legs with my back to him and he held my body close to his before shoving me forwards and pushing my head down between my legs.

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Dear Dr. Betty,

I have been married for 4 years now. Sex have not been great all the time but can't complain much. Like 3 months ago my husband and I were having sex when suddenly I see that he grabs my hair and slaps me in the face. It was not a gentle slap but neither did it hurt. While he was doing this he kept asking me if I wanted for him to keep slapping me...I was not sure what to answer but I also liked it! So my question is my husband did not change his sex style like for years and suddenly this change and he wants to do it every time we have sex. Is this normal?

Dear J,

Hello Dr. Betty,

I've entered a new relationship with this girl and she is a kinky person. I asked her what she liked and she didn't tell. The only piece she gave up was "I like Blindfolds". I asked her "do you like handcuffs or whips?" Her reply was "handcuffs are too impersonal. As far as whips go, you don't wanna know." So I left it at that.

She told me the reason for not telling me was because I was really opposed to getting a cock piercing; more specifically, a jacob's ladder and we should just stick to clean sex. But I wanna make her happy and I need some ideas that are a little kinky.

Dear B,

So like Betty and Carlin mention in the above video, I'm a kinky perv. I definitely agree that you have to look at internet porn to figure out what you want. There's just no other way to figure it out!

And of course everyone should probably get an FG to help them on their way. I don't know what kind of sad vanilla closet-case I would be without all that access to all that porn.
My sex style is definitely still developing. I remember when I was a kid I would hump the couch, pretending to be married to a man who only wanted to rub parts with me without penetration. It's funny how even way back then I had a pre-awareness of my gayness yet it took me so long to finally admit it.

When I explored SM back in the 80's, I learned a lot about the exchange of power in sex and I learned even more about myself. Cleo is a master!

This piece by David Steinberg on the truth about kink.com reminded my of my investigation into the world of BDSM back in the eighties.  It taught me about the conscious exchange of power between couples who embraced the roles of top and bottom. Until that decade, my feminist ideal was love and sex between equals. In my support group of lesbian and bisexual women, I discovered there really was no such thing as equals. The closest I got was taking turns to decide who was running the show.

Most people today still hold the unsophisticated view that BDSM is a form torture! Not true. Torture is closer to romantic love or being married without any clear stated boundaries or agreements. I know because I've done both:

If you were to take seriously Matt Smith's inflammatory SF Weekly article on kink.com ("Whipped and Gagged -- Is Government Spending Obscene?"), you would think that all sorts of nefarious things are going on at the huge old armory at 14th and Mission that is kink.com's home.