Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Like a spotter in the gym, or a dance instructor, I've been offering unique "hands on" Sex Coaching for individual women and couples since the early eighties. During a three to four hour session, I monitor my clients movements, breathing, and how she's using different muscle groups for sexual arousal during masturbation. Most people show up with a certain amount of nervousness, but after taking a brief history while enjoying several good laughs, they soon become relaxed and comfortable. We then talk about what is missing in their experience of orgasm, and what they want to get from their session.

Since I work mostly with women, I'll describe the basic process she goes through. However, keep in mind that each session is tailored to individual needs. My sessions with couples is basically focusing on the woman while her partner observes. A few women have requested coaching in anal eroticism, either for themselves or for their lover. When someone wants to learn a new sexual skill for partner sex, its always advisable to practice alone on ourselves first.

My client's sex history is followed by a genital exam that goes beyond naming the parts. Sitting side by side, we look into a mirror together while we discuss the relationship she is currently having with her genitals. Then I show her how to appreciate the aesthetics of her sex organ. Still looking into the mirror, she is guided through some strokes for doing a genital massage with oil while I stress the importance of using lubrication for all forms of genital stimulation. Then we try different kinds of manual touching for self-pleasuring.

Next, my client lies down and shows me the position she has been using for her selfloving sessions. Supporting what works for her, I gradually add new elements to enhance her experience of pleasure. First she does conscious vaginal penetration with my Vaginal Barbell while using the pelvic floor (PC) muscle. This muscle is located by stopping the flow of urine. The PC muscle insures urinary control and also heightens orgasm. Then she adds manual clitoral stimulation with her finger followed by pelvic rocking. She practices coordinating her pelvic movements, muscle contractions, and breathing with some kind of rhythmic pattern she finds most comfortable.

Most women report that penetration heightens the experience of orgasm. Learning to do it to ourselves allows us to be more sensitive when penetrating a partner. This is also true for men learning to do anal penetration. They quickly understand the importance of doing slow, sensuous penetration with an abundance of lubrication. Consciously squeezing and releasing the PC muscle also helps us to relax the muscle during both vaginal and anal penetration.

To demystify the use of sex toys, I add an electric massager for clitoral stimulation. We soften the vibes by using a folded washcloth or putting a sock on the head of the vibrator so she can last longer. While she tries out several different kinds of dildos, the layers are gradually removed until we are down to one. Although it's not necessary to actually have an orgasm during a session, many clients do. Instead of stopping right after her first orgasm, I encourage the continuation of stimulation by lightening up, and intensifying the breath. Within moments, the hyper-sensitivity has passed and she can continue. Women have the opportunity to push beyond limiting selfloving to one climax, and enjoying the after shocks of pleasure. After just one Coaching Session, most clients feel they have greatly improved their sexual skills.

Teaching Sex Coaching to Professionals

Month-long Sex Coach Training Groups for professionals doing body work, massage, and sex therapy are available. It is my belief that Sex Coaches will be the most sought after sex therapists and educators in the near future. One demonstration will always be worth a thousand words.

Box 1933, Murray Hill, New York, NY 10156. Fax: 212-679-4240