Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
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My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
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Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
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Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
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Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
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Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
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LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
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Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
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Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
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Emily and Ju Queer love |
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Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
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Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
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Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
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jexhibitionism |
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Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
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Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
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Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
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Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
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Princess What would my mother say? |
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Solo Sexualist |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
My wife has zero sex drive. We are both in our early 30"s and have 3 very active children. She is a stay at home mom. What can we do to fix this??? Any medications, advice.... HELP!!!
Dear Dad,
Although I don't know their ages, with three kids at home she is most likely exhausted most of the time. Hopefully when they go off to school she will have some time for herself. Since you are in your early 30's, a weekend away would definitely help. Meanwhile, don't pressure her for partnersex, but encourage her to masturbate. Get the Magic Wand, my book Orgasms for Two, and my Sliquid Organics Natural Lube . Offer to give her a massage which she would most likely welcome. Don't take the massage into sex. Just give her a relaxing rub down. Let her know how much you appreciate her just the way she it. For men, the use of a med for an erection is cool but it doesn't include desire. Women need to desire sex and our erection will follow after some clitoral stimulation for much longer than your guys need, (as a rule).
Mothering is one of the most important jobs on the planet and women get very little credit for doing it. Women certainly don't get paid which is how most Americans guage their importance. Be patient. Get yourself some first rate porn and a few sex toys. Now is a good time to learn more about what turns you both on that's beyond the ole in-and-out action.
Dr. Betty
Betty is right. She is
Betty is right. She is exhausted. After a long day child wrangling and not even having a moment to herself, the last thing she wants is sex. Our kids are now 3 and 1, and my partner is at home full time. Maybe some of the following based on our experience will help:
If she used to work and contribute financially, she may be feeling frustrated that she isn't an equal partner in the money side of things. Of course she knows that the gift of being able to share those first few years with her children is worth far more than money, but it still doesnt change how she feels inside.
If she breastfeeds/fed then she may feel that her body isnt her own anymore. Chances are she cant even take a leak without an audience. The last thing she feels like is sharing her body with yet another person at night. She may in all likelihood have even stopped masturbating.
She probably doesn't get much time with other adults who dont talk about shitty nappies and toilet training. She is probably frustrated at losing her ability to have informed intelligent adult conversations.
She probably gained weight during the pregnancies that has left her feeling unattractive. Her breasts aren't the same as before, and probably her vagina as well. She doesnt feel as comfortable with her body, so doesnt feel sexy, so doesnt get aroused as easily.
She may feel as though you are nagging her for sex, and not really understanding how she feels about all the above. This leads to her having sex out of a sense of duty, and resenting it.
There's a whole lot more, but my advice is:
TALK. the more you two communicate about how you feel, in a mutually respectful way, the better it will be.
Help out as much as possible. I work a demanding job, but try to take the kids for a few hours on the weekend so my partner can visit a friend, get a coffee, go for a walk, anything... for herself
Treat her to a visit to a masseuse or beautician, even just the hair salon. A bit of pampering will go a long way towards making her feel relaxed, beautiful and desirable.
Ask her to masturbate you or masturbate in front of her if she feels too tired for the whole 9 yards. Or just masturbate by yourself!
Like Betty says, give her a massage WITHOUT the expectation that it will lead to something more. The more she feels valued for her role (and sacrifices), the better she will feel.
Be patient. It DOES get better.
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