Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty,

I am an 18 year old virgin, although I have been masturbating and experiencing orgasms since the age of 8 or 9. For most of my "masturbation life" I've gotten off from rubbing myself against something and fantasying about many kinky topics; I've never been able to orgasm from simply rubbing, there has to be some type of "role" happening in my head as I masturbate. More recently, I made my first trip to my town's Lover's Package to purchase some sex toys. I had been worried that I couldn't orgasm any other way than rubbing myself against something; fingering myself felt good, but never brought me anywhere close to orgasm. So, I bought a small vibrator, a jelly dong and a large quantity of lubricant. :)

I was not at all impressed with the vibrator, and was wondering if this is normal? I'm not sure if it's too small, but when it's penetrating me the vibrations do nothing but...vibrate, haha. The jelly dong is what excites me the most; the movement and "bounciness" excites me immensely, and it looks like a real penis, which also excites me. Why is it that the vibrator doesn't work for me? I've tried it on my clit, and it feels good, but it's just not working for me. (I've also tried using both toys at once, the dong vaginally and the vibe on my clitoral area.)

Also, I might add that I never had an orgasm with any of my sex toys in the beginning. It took a few months of exploration with the dong and my mental role plays (and my fingers) to finally achieve orgasm for the first time in a different way. I can now do it every time that I masturbate!  Which brings up a different question: orgasms my old "humping" way were great, but for some reason my newest orgasms with my jelly dong are breath taking and staggering - I'm left sweating, panting, light headed and overall high on my orgasm. Why are these orgasms so different in their immensity?

Another question (sorry, I'm full of questions) is will I be able to achieve such orgasms as I do now with my boyfriend? We've had a long distant relationship for a while now, both of us are virgins, but we do masturbate for each other over our webcams. I am worried that, for some reason or another, I will not be able to get off like I do with myself when I DO finally have sex with my boyfriend. Any suggestions?

Oh, and also :) I very much enjoy having my cervix hit over and over during masturbation; for some reason the pain is highly pleasurable. Is this normal? Or in any case, is it healthy, or does it pose a safty/health
risk? Thank you!

Dear BK,

I suggest you get both of my books and continue reading all the material on our website. Caution with "jelly" dildos. If it's made with phthalates. it's toxic. You can check with the store that sells it or look on the box it came in. Nothing wrong with having a fantasy. Humping furniture is quite common and I always suggest what you've already done. Explore with your fingers using lubrication like massage oil without perfumes. Your humping orgasms were fast with less build-up. Using vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation is what I teach. Takes longer and produces bigger and better orgasms. Enjoy.

Masturbation and partnersex are quite different. So don't expect your orgasms to be bigger or better with your boyfriend. It might take a while to adjust. Since you are both comfortable masturbating together, I feel sure you'll work it out. You are off to a good start. Just continue to educate yourself.

Dr. Betty