Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Dr. Betty,

I stumbled on your webpage totaly by accident as I was browsing the net for answers and I was pleasently surprised at how open and honest you are. Its really a breath of fresh air to speak openly about sexuality and to share our experiences with other people.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, when we first started dating sex was unpredictable, exciting and passionate. After a while all of that went away, it seems like he is lacking sex drive because I want to have sex at least every two days and he doesnt even touch me for days on end.

When we do have sex he tends to rush me either because he comes too quickly or he tends to push me to come already which makes it even harder to reach orgasm. He tends to just want to thrust when I enjoy the feeling of having him inside me and his pressing against my clit at the same time, he just doesnt give me a chance to explore those sensations. Sex is very goal orientated with him. On top of everything he doesnt really spend much time on foreplay and without foreplay I just cannot reach that high.

I love my boyfriend and he is so wonderful in so many other ways I just feel he dissapoints me in bed and I dont know how to change that!

We've spoken about this many times and nothing seems to really change.

I love the idea of him going down on me but he does it so rarely and when he does do it he just has no technique and I cant even say it feels good.

We live in South Africa so a private session with you is out of the question. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions.

Many Thanx,

Dear A,

I could have written this same letter when I was married. The description of your boyfriend fits a lot of guys who just never seem to learn, or grow, or change when it comes to partnersex. Unfortunately, my therapist at that time said our sex life would improve after we'd lived together for a while and made what she called a "marital adjustment." After two years of talking together and with our therapist, nothing changed. We stopped having partnersex altogether which was actually a relief. He felt I pressured him for sex and I felt he was a lousy lover.

Although you didn't mention your age, I sense you are young. After two and a half years together, I would suggest that what you see is what you got. We cannot change another person, only ourselves. When a sexual exchange is good, it happens immediately and keeps getting better. When it starts off troubled, that usually continues too. Do yourself a favor and move along.

Dr. Betty