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Should I Get My Stepson a Vibrator?

Thu, 07/30/2009 - 14:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Doctor Dodson,

I have a stepson who is about to turn 16 and I've been a mother to him since he was 12. I never raised a son of my own so I do all the reading I can do. I try and do my best to be support him without judging him. He masturbates and we're all very open about it, his dad, him and I. so I have encouraged him to masturbate. I read your stuff and I trust you and so I encourage him. That really helped him grow with healthy ejaculations and it gives him so much pleasure. I am sure he will be thanking me later for his sexual capacity when he begins having relationships or maybe his girlfriend should.

My mother gave me a vibrator when I turned sweet 16, along with condoms and the standard speech. I will always remember her for that. I liked to masturbate alot more after that. I want to do the same for my stepson. Every woman has a vibrator but I know how boys can be about sex toys. But I talked with my husband he agreed with me that it would be a good thing to give him a male masturbation thingy on his 16th birthday. But I just don't know what is out there that would be good for him. He is not fully grown yet so I need to be extra sure it fits his erection snuggly. It also needs to be adjustable because I know he will grow fast over the next few years. I also need to be sure it is not too complicated to use and clean so he can use it on his own and whenever he needs without worrying. What can you suggest for him?

Sincerely,
TV

Dear TV,

Congratulations on your open attitude toward masturbation. As the daughter of a mother who believed masturbation was a healthy activity for children, I can tell you that it makes all the difference in the world to get that message from your parent.

However, as for gifting him a sex toy I would advise only some good massage oil that's clean and safe. Later on he can play with an artificial vulva or the aneros for prostate massage. At his young age, his hand and imagination is all that's needed. Too much support from you might be misconstrued as meddling. Remember teens are dedicated to becoming individuals by separating from their parents.

Dr. Betty

Betty,

You are right, as always. I will hold off on the sex toy for now and give him some of those stimulating oils and positive reinforcement for now. It is sad that sex toys for boys still have an unhelpful connotation, unlike our vibrators and other toys which are so common and accepted for girls, even expected. It helped me tune into my orgasm, make it stronger. Learn to love it and want it more. I wanted the same for him. I guess I was trying to be objective about it is all without so much of that gender bias of this culture.

Thank You

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Sex Positive Thinking - Not a Penis Pump.

Joelface's picture
Fri, 07/31/2009 - 00:25
Joelface

Penis pumps would send the wrong message. They are not designed as sex-toys, despite if someone uses them that way. I do not think most people find the same appeal. As well, they are dangerous. Too much suction can permanently damage a penis, and they have been known to make it harder for men to achieve erections without them.

A sex toy makes sense for a woman because often times its a long journey to an orgasm for a girl without one...

Thats not to say they aren't primarily just for pleasure, and in that sense equally eplicable to both sexes. I do, though, agree with Betty's advice that a male-toy is probably not the appropriate action at this point... largely because the male-sex toy industry is still sadly lacking.. theres nothing particularly appropriate for his age, in my opinion. Besides, I'm sure he is more than happy with what he already has.

The best thing you can do is just make sure he maintains a sex-positive attitude, and understands that pleasure is good, but that it is also private. When the time is right, making sure he understands the utmost importance of safe sex is also very important. And respect for women. There are definitely many components to sex-positive thinking... and I think you've definitely got the pro-masturbation aspect covered already.

-------------------------------------

23 - M - Critical Relativist and Feminist (Equalist) - Canada

No to Male Vibrators

Fri, 07/31/2009 - 02:15
Burt (not verified)

IMHO, vibrators do more harm than good for male masturbation. Improperly applied, a vibrator can cause internal damage to a penis and result in Payronie's Disease and permanant disfunction. Experimentation with various techniques using natural means will pay off with more than just momentary sensation. Again, IMHO, masturbation that emulates slow sensual intercourse will provide endless pleasure and intense orgasms while solo, and it will develop a preference and ability to orgasm through slow and prolonged copulatio movements. Very rapid, high intensity movements using only the hands can lead to premature ejaculation, and/or an inability to ejaculate with the much lower intensity intercourse movements. A mechanical vibrator can only make things worse.

Pumps and other mechanical devices may have their place for seniors. Boys and young men should avoid them.

male vibrators

Mon, 08/10/2009 - 03:08
Marty (not verified)

Very lucky boy to have a stepmother so understanding and open. Boys often need someone to talk frankly with about subjects such as this, she sounds like a perfect friend. One of my friends when I was a teen, could talk to his mother about any sexual subject and she told him exactly how it was. They were completly open and never embarased about anything,even nudity. This is how it should be.

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