Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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My sexual evolution has been an integral part of my spiritual growth. Once I understood that masturbation was a meditation on selflove, my sexuality and spirituality grew closer together. When I think about my other spiritual practices, I put art near the top of the list. Drawing was a beautiful meditation, and mastering the nude was an excellent discipline. The creative process and developing a sense for aesthetics - the search for beauty, its sources, its forms, and its effects - will always be a profound spiritual consideration for me.

Although I came from the Bible Belt in Wichita, Kansas, my parents were not religious people. Mother thought the Bible was a collection of fairy tales, and that only ignorant people believed it was the word of God. My dad was an atheist. With no religious pressure, I naturally wanted to join a church. So Mother took me to a Methodist church to be baptized at twelve. After a few months of boring Sunday School and a brief stint of singing in the choir, I got over wanting to belong to an organized religion. But I kept searching for something outside myself to give life a special meaning.

My spiritual quest has been very eclectic because I explored each new teacher, group, or process that intrigued me. First I was into psychiatry and group therapy. Next it was General Semantics and non-Aristotelian thought, followed by A New Model of the Universe by Ouspensky. That led to studying the teachings of Gurdjieff, which was basically a form of esoteric Christianity for a chosen few. After that I got involved with the twelve-step programs that opened their doors to everyone who had a desire to stop using their drug of choice. I began studying and practicing yoga. I took Tantra workshops. For a while I worshipped group sex as the highest Tantra ritual. I learned Transcendental Meditation. Becoming a vegetarian, I turned health into a religion. I went on retreats, I fasted, I got colonics. I became a feminist and turned that into a religion. There were many psychic readings where I learned about my guardian angels, spirit guides, and past lives. I studied metaphysics. I got Rolfed, rebirthed, and had foot reflexology. My horoscope was done; I used the Tarot cards and then the I Ching. I worshipped the god-dess and made up my own rituals. I joined a lesbian SM support group. I did Smokenders three times. I took the Forum and some of their follow-up seminars, and a couple of years ago, I did a week-long Avatar seminar. Although in many ways I'm a doubting Thomas, I love to read about ETs, Light Beings, Pleiadians, and flying saucers. I continue to practice my sexual meditation with masturbation.

Every teacher, each discipline, and all of these groups taught me something about myself, a stepping stone along a winding path. But the struggle between "turning my life over to a power outside myself" and "being committed to questioning all authority" always bailed me out. My need to be an individual on my own terms would pull me back into the mundane world to grapple once more with my divided self: good girl vs. bad girl.

Maybe it was because my initials spelled B.A.D. that I tried so hard to be good. But in the end, the juiciest bit of wisdom I gleaned was that I was both good and bad in an imperfect society. As I continue along my spiritual path, one thing is sure: I know the path will never remain the same.

Every time we follow gurus or teachers we adore, they become authority figures and we end up surrendering our power to them. Although I might be addicted to being adored, I have never wanted to perpetuate that kind of authoritarian control, especially over women who took my workshops. I used to call myself "a one-night-stand guru." With each passing year, I realize more and more the importance of designing a method of teaching that required women to take only one, or maybe two, workshops. After that, there was nothing to join and no way to see me on an ongoing basis. The antithesis of sexual freedom would be creating thousands of little Bettys who were all having orgasms just like me.

While the Eastern-guru craze has somewhat subsided, we now have a rash of Americans teaching sex under the labels of Tantra and Taoist sex practices. Most of the information about Tantra sex is speculative at best because it had an oral tradition that was taught to the same old "chosen few," who then become "spiritually enlightened." I have no problem with the idea of people teaching rituals that treat sex as a form of meditation, that encourage breathing techniques, or that promote better communication skills between partners. But the use of the word Tantra confuses more than it explains by mystifying sex. Tantric teachers are being puritanical when they use Hindu words to talk about sex and body parts. We need to diffuse the English words so people can speak about sex more comfortably.

While I personally believe my sexuality and spirituality are closely connected, I don't want to go overboard by turning sex into a religious practice. And I certainly don't want all of my orgasms to be sacred, ecstatic, ritualized communions with some divine purpose. There are times I just want a quickie with a scuzzy fantasy of being tied down and fucked by a sadistic scoutmaster and his entire Boy Scout troop.

Now that we are in the '90s, I'm still perceived by some people as "weird" to be sure, but I have also been acknowledged by many wonderful people who respect my simple message: "Selfsexuality is the ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves throughout our lifetime." Teaching masturbation by masturbating has kept me fairly honest, not that I don't still lie to myself occasionally, but when you see your teacher playing with herself it's difficult to turn her into someone who is more than human or larger than life.

Given the current political power trip of the Religious Coalition, with its agenda to control the way people worship, live, and love, it's surprising that I have received such a small amount of hate mail. Instead, the file folders marked "love letters" fills up several times each year. I've heard from educators, clergy, doctors, lawyers, lesbians, mothers, housewives, soldiers, prisoners, nurses, healers, therapists, nuns, priests, bankers, artists, executives, writers, entertainers, and other folks who didn't identify themselves. It's very much like the women who take my groups: a cross section of America in all its glorious diversity. Their common interest is a desire to know more about human sexuality, especially selfsexuality.

I have always been excited by the possibility of change for every woman who has taken a workshop. Sometimes the change takes place before my eyes; other times I get the feedback later on. Getting a first orgasm is thrilling. Some younger women with new lovers have told me they're beginning to explore what turns them both on with a more open dialogue about sex. Married women have said that sharing their sexual self-knowledge with their husbands has charged a flagging sex life. Mothers have talked with me about not interfering with their children's natural sexual exploration with masturbation. More women are dispelling myths about romantic love. They're no longer confusing good sex with love. Some are questioning the ideal of monogamy when they know it rarely exists. Couples who do choose to be monogamous are agreeing to a single standard. Women are also taking a hard look at jealousy and possessiveness as a healthy way to express a loving posture.

Today I believe sex energy is not only the life force, but also the source of all creativity. Each orgasm is a precious moment of joy. Sex quiets the mind, deep breathing brings oxygen into the bloodstream, the heart is exercised as it pumps blood through the veins, hormones and endorphins are released, the skin sweats, muscular tension is heightened and then drained, followed by deep relaxation and a sense of well-being with feelings of contentment through an intimate connection with ourselves or another person. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that all living things are connected - on Earth and throughout the vast universe.