Scared To Have Sex After Herpes Diagnosis

Betty Dodson's picture
Thu, 05/21/2009 - 10:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Im a 22 year old single mother. I was told I had herpes about 2 years ago that I apparently caught from my daughters father. I haven't really had sex with anyone because Im scared to give anyone herpes so I've pretty much been masturbating for the past 2 years. I've recently been dating someone who knows about me having herpes and would like to be intimate but I'm scared. Can I still enjoy sex the way I used to and still be safe? I also read somewhere that as long as I don't have an outbreak, its ok to have unprotected sex, is this true? Please help! Im a little tired of the battery powered toy, for once I wanna feel a mans touch!!!!!

Dear SF,

I'm of the school that believes herpes is similar to having the common cold. When I had my first outbreak back in the seventies, I freaked out until I realized practically everyone I knew had it too. If you didn't, it meant you weren't getting laid. As long as you don't have active blisters and the sore is healed, I say it's no big deal. Herpes is just another way we are kept from enjoying sex. It would be like telling folks who get cold sores they can't kiss anyone else again. And I wouldn't get suckered into buying the expensive Valtrex crap. Just stay healthy, avoid fast food, eat fresh foods, drink clean water, exercise and enjoy your orgasms, but don't abandon your toy. It will always come in handy with or without a partner.

Dr. Betty


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Isn't a condom good enough

Thu, 05/21/2009 - 18:26
Derek Johnson (not verified)

Isn't a condom good enough this type of thing?

Actually, herpes simplex is

Thu, 05/21/2009 - 23:58
Alley_Cat (not verified)

Actually, herpes simplex is spread by skin to skin contact so condoms only protect against the skin that is directly covered. If a man has a sore on his testicles or a woman has a sore on her labia or anus, a condom wouldn't protect against virus shed from those areas.

And just to respond a little to Betty's comment, usually people contract herpes from a partner who has no signs or symptoms of an outbreak on a day where you just happen to be shedding the virus.

And always consider, your prospective partner may already have herpes and not know it, 30% of people have herpes 2 by age 30 and 80% of people have herpes 1 (usually causes oral cold sores but also genital sores). Condoms, dental dams, finger cots if he has a cut on his finger are all ways to protect him from getting infected. There is always a risk when it comes to sex, if your partner has decided this is a risk he is willing to take, he is an adult and allowed to make that decision, you just have to be strong enough to let him and let go (a little) of your fear of (possibly) hurting someone you care about.