Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

New York Times Magazine
LETTERS TO EDITOR
RE: Our Vaginas, Ourselves
Jan. 1, 2006
FROM: Betty Dodson Ph.D.
SUBJECT: First Draft

"Our Vaginas, Ourselves" by Daphne Merkin (New York Times, Jan 1, 2006) reveals a woman who is smart and clever, but alas, out of touch with female sexuality. For starters, any woman who refers to her sex organ as a "vagina" has emphasized the intellectual life at the expense of many an orgasm. The clitoris is a woman's primary sex organ. The vagina is the birth canal.

"But," the chorus wails, "what about vaginal orgasms?" That kind of orgasm will definitely make many a man happy, but very few women can climax that way. Ever since Freud, uninformed men have continued to insist that a mighty penis thrusting inside a vagina is the source of women's orgasm.

Today, modern sexually sophisticated women are outsourcing their orgasms using their fingers or vibrators for direct clitoral stimulation during partnersex. Come on, all you V-girls! You'll love it once you discover that exciting bundle of eight-thousand nerve endings in the clitoris. It's just ABOVE the vagina. NOT inside where your first boyfriend spent all his time poking around thinking he was on target. Meanwhile you wondered if this was "sex," feigning pleasure in case it was.

Merkin supports continued female sexual ignorance when she longs for the "dark continent" of an unexplored vulva. Good grief! She didn't hesitate to tell us, with a hint of pride I might add, that her hymen was intact until the age of 25. My, what a sexually uncurious young woman. She obviously never masturbated or shared manual sex in her teens or early twenties. Was she a victim of faith-based abstinence?

If all that isn't sad enough, Merkin condemns the consciousness raising era of the seventies. She disrespects the brave feminists whose groundbreaking self-help movement allowed women to take control of their reproductive health and sexual pleasure. In my orgasm workshops, we examined our genitals in a group to learn by comparison that we were not deformed, just different. We saw that our clitoral glans and inner lips came in all shapes, sizes and colors. Each vulva was as individual as a snowflake. The group experience was powerful because it banished our ignorance born of isolation and sexual repression. We were no longer alone - cause to celebrate indeed.

Dear Daphne, as your feminist grandmother, I urge you to become more sexually open-minded. I agree with you that women could value their unique genital forms more, but we also need to support a woman's freedom of choice. The same as changing our hairstyles, makeup and clothes, many of us like to stay abreast of the latest in vulva fashions. Instead of bemoaning "artificially enhanced gratifications," you might consider embracing technology by using a vibrator on your clit the next time you're doing your Kegel exercises and reward yourself with a sweet little orgasm. Before you know it, you'll be grooming your pubic hair for the next hot date- a nice break from going steady with your computer.

Betty Dodson, Ph.D. Sexologist
(still coming after all these years)

 ♥ ♥ ♥

New York Times Magazine
Jan. 15, 2006 LETTERS TO EDITOR
RE: Our Vaginas, Ourselves
Jan. 15, 2006
FROM: Betty Dodson Ph.D.
SUBJECT: Actual Printed Version

I was disturbed by Daphne Merkin's condemnation of the seventies consciousness raising era (NY Times January 1, 2006). The groundbreaking self-help movement allowed women to take control of their lives. Examining our genitals in my orgasm workshops made it possible to learn that we were not deformed. Clitoral glans and inner lips came in all sizes. Our vulvas were as individual as snowflakes. The group experience banished our ignorance born of isolation and sexual repression.

While I agree that more women could value their unique genital forms, we must also support women's freedom to choose. As they do with hair, makeup, and clothes, many stay abreast of the latest vulva fashions.