Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

Betty and Carlin,

It has been one of the greatest blessings in my life to have come upon your website. I only recently began having vaginal sex because of previously being fairly conservative, coming from a Christian home. My boyfriend is great at hand and oral stimulation and is pretty good at vaginal sex, but since his last girlfriend somehow got off easily from vaginal sex, he had little experience/didn't really know about stimulating the clit during partnersex. Of course, I had no idea about it either. Luckily, after only two sessions of having little luck in the orgasm department on my end, we decided to research sex online. We came across your youtube videos, and what a great surprise! So much great info!

Anyway, he left for the summer and will be back in a couple days and then we are going to be apart for a year soon, as we are both going off to graduate school, so after long talks we decided to have an open relationship over the summer and the next year. That decision has been both liberating and confusing at times, but more than ever, I've found your mantra to be true about women needed to be the masters of their own orgasms.

Why are guys so impatient? Why aren't they more determined to get us off? My boyfriend tries so hard and almost always gets me off with my help but other guys I've been with are so wimpy and give up so easily. Who knows... Anyway, one question I had is, when you were in an open relationship, how much did you share with your partner about your sexual encounters? Did you tell him who you were with or what you did? Sometimes I feel like it would be good to tell my boyfriend, and other times I feel like I shouldn't tell him anything. Thoughts?

-A

Dear AC,

Thanks for all your appreciation. Also congratulations for breaking free from your past Christian dogma. Just a reminder to you and your boyfriend that many of those girls who get off so easily with vaginal penetration are faking pleasure to keep their boyfriends happy! We have all done it at some point. Some days I think guys are lazy because mothers wait on them hand and foot and later on, their girlfriends do the same. Including faking orgasms.

As for how much to tell him about your sexual experiences during your separation, my advice would be to keep your own council. Just in case either one of you has an attack from the green-eyed-monster we call "jealousy." Unfortunately it is very prevalent in us all. I believe it comes from fear of loss. It's probably best just to reaffirm your love for each other during your separation and by all means, engage in some hot phone sex while you both satisfy yourselves. Very safe and fun too. Have a productive year apart while you continue to enjoy your young healthy bodies and minds.

Dr. Betty