Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I am 19 years old and have been having sex with my boyfriend for a little over one year now. I have yet to have an orgasm. I bought a vibrator thinking it would be an easy fix, as my mom told me it would be, but most of the time, I don't seem to have a reaction with the sensations. I am on birth control and I have heard that the pill can affect the clitoris and make it substantially less sensitive.

I feel like I need to figure this out soon because on my side of the relationship, I just want out of it. I don't want him to suffer just because I can't figure out how to orgasm, or make myself more sensitve. It's not like I am not wet or in th mood because I always am. At this point, I want to give up sex and masturbation until I have some kid of answer. What should I do and why can't I feel the vibrator as much as I should?

Dear BF,

Maybe you need a rest from relationship concerns but not from sex with yourself. If you are too worried about pleasing your boyfriend, you most likely will not take care of your own clitoral stimulation for fear of hurting his feelings. For centuries, women have been protecting the male ego which really keeps the guys uninformed about female sexuality and far too fragile. Some women don't know how to climax so they expect it to happen during vaginal penetration which is how they come.

First you must learn how to have an orgasm with yourself. Then however you stimulate your clitoris by yourself is what you'll want to incorporate during vaginal penetration. Go to "First Time Orgasm" on my website and follow my step by step process. I have no idea what kind of vibrator you are using or how you are using it. The first thing to know about clit stim is to use additional lubrication when you play with yourself. Never rely only on your own wetness which evaporates too quickly. Once you are having consistent orgasms with your self, manual, oral or vaginal sex with a partner will start to feel much better. My books, DVD's and website has all the info you need.

Dr. Betty