My Wife Feels Guilty Looking at Porn

Betty Dodson's picture
Wed, 01/01/2003 - 00:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I love to look at porn. My wife likes to look at times too but feels guilty. We feel like it is a sin, but enjoy it so much. Do you think porn can ruin a marriage? If I look at porn I feel so guilty. I just love my wife and family so much. Sometimes when my wife finds out I look at porn she is so hurt. Why do men struggle with porn so much. I wish I could just not look at it. Do a lot of men struggle with this? -- J

Dear J,

Sexual boredom ruins marriages. The whole idea behind looking at porn is to fuel our sexual fantasies during masturbation for a little sexual variety. You and your wife are really struggling with guilt over masturbation. First you say your wife likes to look at times but at other times she is hurt if you look. Why don't you get my latest book Orgasms for Two and see if you can masturbate together occasionally to reduce some of your guilt feelings.

I believe some women feel left out when their partners are wanking to images of other women. It's difficult for the average woman to compete with the young beautiful women in porn with implants and perfect faces and bodies. And now many men are beginning to feel inadequate over penis size, how far and how much they shoot, and how big their muscles are when they compare themselves to male porn stars. The amount of semen ejaculated can be faked as well as women's orgasms. So don't forget that the actual sex in most porn is not exactly a primer on how to make love to a woman. Its purpose it to get you hot.

We all struggle with some kind of sexual guilt and viewing porn is just one. I say guilt is totally worthless. We don't learn anything from it and it keeps us stuck in a rut. Instead of embracing the sexual joy we can experience in our bodies and minds, we spend all of our time feeling guilty. Give it up. Not the porn but the guilt. Pleasure is so difficult to come by in this culture. I say fight for your right to enjoy your porn, your sexual fantasies, your masturbation and your orgasms.

Instead of giving in to censoring yourself, question why allmost all organized religions loathe the body and human sexuality.

Betty

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The woman I love is 61 and has never had an orgasm

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 23:44
Chris M (not verified)

I am a 58 year old man, and have had fulfilling sex with both men and women (so I know some tricks!)  1 year ago, after I never thought I would meet someone who I would love and want to spend the rest of my life with, I was lucky enough to meet my (close to) perfect woman and hopefully, soon to be partner for life. She is an incredible person, and I am crazy about her, but she says she has NEVER had an orgasm, and I seem to be unable to bring her to one. I have tried everything I can think of to arouse her, but nothing. I DO NOT need viagra or any other aid to maintain an erection for several hours, so I have tried it all, vaginal penitration for long periods,(I am average sized) manual stimulation, vibrators, etc. Nothing. She gets profusely wet, but no climax. She has a 'hooded clitoris', but I didn't think that would prevent her for coming by means of a vibe, etc. Kinky sex? I tried tying her up and blindfolding her, she just got angry. (It's not my thing anyway). She says she has NEVER had any interest in sex, and never masturbated. She also says she is not attracted to women. I want so much for a fulfilling sex life with and FOR HER. PLEASE HELP! 

What if her stance is simply ill-informed? Bring in the light

Mon, 07/07/2014 - 10:18
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

Dear Chris, I wouldn't throw every hope out the window yet.
The tricks you have tried have this in common: They are tricks, and they are executed by you she being the target of your expert, well-meaning proceedings.
Imminent risk of failure is hovering in the air during this desperate labor of love her not having a clue how to deliver the desired outcome. She gets pressured to perform, even angry.
Naturally there can be numerous reasons why your ladyfriend does not masturbate not to mention orgasm. Anything from psychological obstacles to antidepressants.
The easiest hindrance to overcome might be her ignorance of masturbation and orgasm.
She does not truly know what she is missing out on. So her stance of not being interested is not based on personal, self-perceived factual information. Instead, the stand she has taken up is ill informed.
What made me discover masturbation at 20 was, I observed my boyfriend during sex. It was no rocket science to notice his immense relief and pleasure that I did not get to experience. We talked about it. I was very motivated to learn. So quickly he bought me a vibrator. I practiced by myself, not in his presence, a couple of times.
My first orgasms were small, but definitely I knew I had come. It was a sacred, blessed discovery that has been an integral basis of my existence for subsequent tens of years. And it just keeps getting better after 60.
What I found out immediately was: Orgasming in partnersex is more challenging and solo masturbation is a necessity even though one has a good relationship going.
What could you do to ignite her hunger for better information? Firstly, she genuinely needs to perceive there is something valuable to know that she has not yet figured out. This is when she starts to get motivated and search for correct information.
Also, you need stop concentrating on her. Begin to focus on yourself, your own pleasure. Show her intimately, in an atmosphere of mutual consent, how best you masturbate. And, introduce her to Dodson and Ross. 
Good luck to you, and keep us posted.

Try Mutual Masturbation

Mon, 07/07/2014 - 16:43

Chris M,

Many women who consider themselves non orgasmic may have a lot of things going on in the mental department (molestation for instance in the past) or constant pressure to climax with a partner, woman have a huge tendency to feel self conscience of body image during sex as well and cannot let lose for being into worrying how they look. A real good motivator might be just having a good old "jerk off party" between the pair of you. Have a relaxed session of just masturbating together (doing yourselves) and that might not only be a huge turn-on to her, it puts her in control of her own body, inhibitions of you watching her will diminish and hopefully not make her shy...since you will be self engaged, and watching you will excite her....worth a shot! I have heard this breaking down many mental barriers for women in this dilemma. Tell me if it works out for you both.

Good Luck!

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