Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
Hi betty, i just stumbled across you in a book called 'everything you know about sex is wrong', i loved you in it! So i looked you up online. I just watched your video clip answering questions of the female orgasm and it really opened my mind! I am 23yrs. I have a 7 month old baby and totally in love with the sexiest man. I've always had a healthy sex drive but lately i find myself perpetually sexually frustrated! I blame my partner because he NEVER wants to have sex it seems. I'm talking like once maybe twice a week. He's thirty and has just given up crystal meth ( he's been doing it for like 10yrs, I've never!) I'd like to blame his lack of motivation to fuck on this but i could be wrong. He's had alot more sexual partners and experience than me (obviously, he's thirty, superstar Dj, he's had his!) I'd hate to think he's just not that into sex anymore!. I can cum during intercourse with only penetration most always. The funny thing is when i don't, and he does. and i'm so close but don't get to finish i get so MAD! I never finish the job myself. I half expect him to offer to do it for me....and he never does that.
I feel like i demand sex alot and i think he finds it a big turn off. I would give him head like twice a day if he'd let me. but instead i'm left wanting. I don't want another man. I'm crazy about mine. I just want him to want me the way i want him! I'm super hot, perfect labor, no tears, tight pussy! I actually ate my fist pussy after my baby was born. He was there too. It was fun, and i'd love to do it again. He's into me being with other women and incourages me to masturbate and watch porn! Am i just being immature thinking only he can satisfy me? How do i tame this sexual tiger inside me? I know i can get me off like 10 times in 20mins. And it helps. But when i get off with him, and have great sex with him, I feel like i'm high for days! Is it cause of the connectedness and intimacy this brings to the relationship? What is a relationship worth without good sex? Sex in a relationship makes all the other stresses of life seem smaller. Like you can take on anything together. But without it i feel very alone, like we're working against each other instead of together.
I tell him my parents have a better sex life than we do, and it's true! They're soo in love and always will be. They are the shining example of perfect monogamy! Sounds far fetched but trust me it's true! His parents separated when he was young. Mabey he's was never shown how to make things work in a soild partnership. I want to talk with him about it but i think it just crushes his ego even more and make his retreat further! Must i constantly ooo, and awe at him in every aspect of life stroking his ego and brown nosing him in hopes of getting fucked? That's bullshit! I can't be fake like that! I'm sorry but i can't just brush this off and carry on like everything is just fine! He says if the problem is not enough sex than talking won't help, just need to fuck more. But we don't fuck more! I feel like i'm begging for it and that doesn't make me feel or look attractive. Maybe he misses the chase. Maybe i should deny him until
he wants it soooo bad. The thing is i can't hold out that long. I'm telling you i probably wouldn't ever get it then!
Is this a phase i just have to get through? Or am i doomed to never again be pawed at and and concurred? If i don't use it will I loose it? The idea of being fucked by someone else totally turns me off! I want passion in my life, in my relationship! What do i do? what can i do? The idea of finding another lover, a women is all i would want, still doesn't get me going. It makes me feel like i've given up on ours! But i'm about ready to look else where. Am i just obsessed with sex? Why won't he fuck me like he used to? Aren't things usually the other way around? Am i the only woman who cant get her partner to fuck her enough? Please give me some incite!!
Dear CD,
While I can appreciate your desire for more partnersex, many things change after you get married and have a baby. Instead of focusing on your husband so intensely and pressuring him for more sex, I'd encourage you to fill in with some hot masturbation and first rate sex toys. Besides you have your hands full with a 7 month old baby. Or get a sexy girlfriend and play with her. Also let me remind you that hubby is still in recovery from a very heavy drug. Fucking twice a week is a pretty good average, more than most couples get in this success driven world of ours. It's usually the other way around, a husband complaining that his wife never wants to have sex. So as a super sexed woman (which is fine), your husband's sex drive just doesn't match yours. Dump the self-pity and putting pressure on him for more sex. That's a good way to lose him, constantly nagging him for more sex. I'd say if you love him as much as you claim, you'll accept him just the way he is and appreciate the times you are together enjoying hot sex.
Dr. Betty
not enough sex...
If hes come off meth hes probably re-orientating himself in a big way, giving up any drug involves a massive rethink on a very fundamental level. Most drugs will actually retstructure the way the brain operates, it gets used to vertain sensations and chemicals being in the system. Plus he has to find a way of living which doesn't involve the habit itself as part of day to day routine.
I personally am impressed that hes managed it, a lot of meth users don't, and he may well even relapse temporarily. This is something you have to be preapred for. A lack of emotional support makes it much more likely.
I've had a number of promising relationships go down the toilet because drugs were involved, and added to the drug issue hes a new daddy, thats a big change as well.
I'd say for the time being, concentrate on being loving, and supportive, and let him know how proud you are that hes managing without the drugs, encourage him to spend time with the little one, and do things as a family. Make a point of spending alone time with him, but without pressuring him. It will help fill up the inevitable gap in his life left by giving up the meth.
I'm betting that after a while when the dust has settled, his sex drive will improve. Even if it doesn't, your relationship will be better for it. I'd totally go with Betty, Buy up some good quality sex toys,get an amenable girl pal! I'd also say that not all sex has to be penetrative, sensual touching and kissing, and closeness, is nice and often leads to more (I'm not going to say better things, I personally often prefer non-pentrative sex).
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