Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hello Betty,

Bravo for your beautifully-expressed essay here.  I hold you in the deepest admiration.  Thank you for this site, and again, for this wonderful essay.

Cheers,

Steven88

P.S.  Can't wait for the Sex Skills Series, too... ;o)

One problem I have with this article is that you presented the stereotypical pornstar as the "perfect" body. Sure, perhaps a decade or so ago when porn mags like Hustler were the top seller, and only a very specific kind of girl made it into mainstream porn was this the perception I took. However, as the internet has largely become the main way people get their porn I think this is changing. People's tastes have become much more specialized, and more diverse women are being cast in the pornstar role. Amateur porn is perhaps the greatest tool in erradicating the fake bodied ideal.

More and more I hear people saying amateur is their favorite, its free and real. And you know, I have always felt real was the best.

Though, I do believe it should be clear, as you stated, that porn is JUST a fantasy, and that the men worth being with are looking for far more important things in a relationship. There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying a Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie fantasy.

I too fear women may bleach their anuses and laser their body hair, and cut off sensitive parts of their genitals in order to deal with the insecurities that come along with being constantly scrutinized and judged by the opposite sex.

I think the increasing openness and acceptance of masturbation in our culture is incredibly positive, but certainly needs to continue to grow. Women are being more and more open about their use of sex toys, which is wonderful, and I also think that more and more men are realizing that its not something to fear, its something to enjoy. No matter how great your sex life is, bringing in toys can make things more interesting and more fun - for both of you! I also think male sex toys are a huge taboo that needs busting.

Although I am personally quite happy with male-oriented porn (Mmm Amateur POV blowjob porn...) I also really cannot wait for your explorations into creating female-oriented pornography. I do think you should consider some FEMALE POV footage. I have never seen an entire flick where the camera was held from the woman's perspective as she directed the action in the way that she wanted. Done right, theres no way women wouldn't love it.

Lastly, The sex skills series really excites me too! Sexy and educational, now thats a combination I want to see. :p

Great Article, Betty.

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23 - M - Critical Relativist and Feminist (Equalist) - Canada

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Make_Love_Like_a_Porn_Star:_A_Cautio...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenna_Jameson

Some stars have not had a wonderful experience and their voices shouold be heard too. The ever-popular Jenna is now working with ETA[Ethical Treatment for Animals. Guys~You know when there may be mistreatment in the sex industry and you should let the studios know that you are disquierted and will not buy their products

I agree with making more female-oriented porn, i think that is a great idea. but my issue with porn is that i do think it makes guys not like normal womens bodies. i am a flat girl, and i dont see any flat girls ever looking sexy or hot in porn. i know that if there were more diverse body types, i dont think i would mind my bf looking at porn at all. i know this bc the idea or him looking at girls with big boobs ( bc any sized boob is bigger than mine) makes me feel so ashamed and embarrassed and hate my body, but one time we went to the movies and there was a scene with a naked girl and she was close to flat (one of the few times ive ever seen it) and i didnt feel bad about myself at all. instead i wanted him to see her and think she was pretty bc maybe then he would think that im pretty. thats why i think porn just needs to change, though i know it probably wont. i just wish it would emphasize all body types equally, then i would be completely ok with it. youre right about it being an insecurity issue, it is insecurity. i wish that feeling wasnt there, but i know that for many women it will always be there unless porn is more representative of all women. i understand its a fantasy, but when your guys fantasy is something that you are nothing close to and can never even compare to, its kind of hard to take.

Let me open my response to Betty Dodson's blog entry, "My Latest Thoughts on Porn" by saying that I am a man who has been working in the online adult business since 2001. I think I know a little about porn, from a man's perspective.

The women in professional porn are not real in terms of appearance and mentality. Women do not look like that naturally and they certainly do not act like that in reality either. It is important to understand, as Betty said, that porn is fantasy. It is created by men, for men. It is composed of men's ideas and interests, filmed at the sexpense of the actresses willing to do these things for the money tabled.

These ideas that are being thought up, filmed and distributed are pretty stupid in my opinion. I see too much content that is either about shocking people or controlling women. How erotic or enjoyable is fucking a woman's head like it were a toy you purchased at the sex shop? She has tears running all over her face, bile flows out of her mouth and she is asphyxiated on each thrust down her throat while he holds her head by the hair. I know many people get off on that, but really - is that a message/idea worth spreading? As Betty said, the modern girlfriend has a lot of pressure on her plate to meet her boyfriend's sexual interests.

Someone I know convinced his girlfriend to let him pee in her mouth (and swallow some) a few times. She was sickened by it but infatuated by him, so she did it until she simply couldn't stomach it. His interest was so simple, "Can I get her to do it?" and, "I wonder what this is like?" Would you be surprised to know he learned that from porn?

If you've watch as much porn as what I have been exposed to over the years (you'll never catch up so don't endeavor to try) you would notice that it is always about satisfying the man. Don't hate the actors - they're not the man. The man is first the one behind the camera with th ideas and second it's the viewer. The woman IS an object, not the subject. Her role is to be as many orifices as needed and finally the thing used to catch and store his ejaculation. The more she pretends to like it, the more she is willing to do, the better her career will be.

Moving along...

I think Betty is absolutely right in that relationships seldom go bad because of porn, but that does not mean it doesn't happen, thus awarding it a free pass.

There are many men who simply are not socially capable of having a sexual relationship with someone they choose - more likely they simply settle for someone who will accept them. Porn calls out to these men because it delivers their fantasies to them. Realistically, that's fine and acceptable. But, those men are damaged on the inside. They are not satisfied with her so they seek to gain pleasures outside of the relationship. They think they cannot tell her she has to lose some weight, or tell her she needs to learn to do a better blow job, or convince her to let him eat her pussy. So he settles for the easy-out and jerks off to porn, releasing his sexual tension for the short term and punishing the relationship.

My good friends had some seriously troubled waters over his interest in porn. He would look at it regardless of what he was doing and who was there to see it. She would feel compared and inadequate. Thankfully he put it down in favor of his relationship and they're much happier now. Whatever he did to get past that should be shared because it does happen and knowing is more important that simply saying it's too small of a percentage to warrant anything further.

Going back to the sex objects point. I think that porn most certainly does objectify both men and women. To appear in porn you have to be well endowed, bleached and picture perfect. (Obviously excluding the amateur niche.) You won't often see the average penis length in porn just like you won't often see flat chests. The man is known for his cock and the woman is known for whatever sexual feature she has. Simple. Unrealistic. Persistent.

Here's why I think it objectifies. First of all understand that while porn is considered taboo most people have seen it. It is massively popular. It is growing too. As a result we see sexual innuendo all over the mainstream media. This is where Betty and I are at odds. She said that to say porn is to blame then the whole of the media is too. You're damn right it is! Let's take a quick walk through Hollywood: Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian, Christina Aguilera, to name a few. Would you have to look online for more than 10 minutes to find any of them naked or somehow using sex to sell something? No, you wouldn't.

Look at all of your favorite TV shows. How many of the actors are fat? The stars are idealizations of both genders. Why? Because that's what sells it to you, making you watch. You fall for it. Swap out those actors and put in all short fat people and keep the story lines the same and watch what happens.

The point is that the media - in every format - uses sex to sell shit to you and you buy it. That has created a society that revolves around the sexualization of itself, and then we raise our kids in it. You cannot honestly be surprised when your daughter gets her boobs and goes to get a slutty shirt to go with them. "Here boys! Notice me and my boobs now! I am a more valuable person now!"

Those boys she is attracting are very likely to have seen porn even at their age, which was justified by the sexualized culture we live in, coupled with the ease of access the internet provides, and they want to do what they have seen. Kids are all just dying to grow up. Girls are just dying for attention. Boys... well having been a teenage boy, all I wanted to was sex, so...

Porn = (the sum of) sex on TV + sex in music videos (rap is basically verbal porn) + sex in movies + horny boys + girls wanting attention = One fucked up culture.

It starts out as porn, infects the minds of so many and spreads into everyday life, right down to kids and leads to where we are now.

If your partner knows you like porn and they are at least comfortable with you viewing it, then I would say that's the bare minimum. The ideal situations is where you both view it together, because relationships are about togetherness. If you're looking at porn without your partner I would say it's because you have something to hide or you really are alone. Argue with me on the surface, but know inside the truth.

I cannot contain my excitement for the 'Sex Skills' videos

Gushing!

Not quite sure what to think. I agree with what Betty has to say in this essay but I think something is missing. The notion she addressed, that porn (specifically hetero porn) necessarily serves as a means for men to objectify women, entirely discounts that existence of the bisexual community. As a bi male, when I view porn I ain't always lookin' at the ladies. 

Hey Enrico, you are so right. The bisexual element was missing. As a bisexual woman, I ain't always looking at the guys. OR I identify as the man who is fucking the woman, only I would do it better. Thanks for including you POV. When it comes to fantasy, we play all the roles in our imagined scenarios which makes it quite democratic.

Betty

There is LOTS of porn with small-chested women. The thing is, you have to get outside of mainstream porn to find it. Not all porn has women in 10 pounds of makeup either. You may have to look a little harder to find it, but its worth the effort. :p I personally prefer porn with smaller chested women, myself, so I would know! :p

It is easy to get insecure over porn if you get the impression that your partner would prefer them.. However, as you've said, that occurs even in movies you've watched as well. It is an issue in your relationship, that you don't believe he is attracted to you the way you are.. Work on that and maybe the porn thing won't seem like such a big deal anymore.

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23 - M - Critical Relativist and Feminist (Equalist) - Canada

The high priestess and teacher of sexual pleasure and female self-pleasuring has spoken. Listen folks!

Dear Betty,

You are so right with your critical essay on current American porn from your female perspective. I agree with you that current American porn is "primitive."

To remind the reader, you already wrote in Orgasm for Two in 2002 that "I became bored with the obligatory blowjob to get the man hard, a fast friction fuck with no clit stimulation, and the phony screams of a woman faking orgasm. In the meantime, the men remained focused on breathing and getting what they wanted in order to have their orgasm. My constant criticism of the heterosexual formula in most pornography interfered with my sexual arousal." (p. 179)

Let me add another critical perspective, that of a heterosexual, long-time married and sexually quite experienced senior:

I am now in my seventies and have lived to this day a fulfilled, exploratory sex life. Porn was included in it.

In my teen-age years, I had a few times access to "blue movies" and used them to masturbate, either by myself or with my friends in circle yerks. In my young adulthood, porn served as a welcome enticement to seduce my wife and friends and their girl friends/wifes to open up to group sex sessions.

Today, I consider porn from the viewpoint of an educated person of a certain social standing and a rich sexual life experience, who is still sexually quite active and inquisitive, and wants to become sexually aroused. I live happily since more than 27 years with my sexually open-minded, tender wife. We expect porn to be stimulating and titillating for our sex play, on the basis of sexual equals, and creative to add to our sexual skills. We epect visual pleasure from porn and transmission of the phantasy that we would participate with others in group sex.

We don't find that in contemporary American porn. It is boring to the extent of being absurd; it is artificial and phony; and it is offensive to our intellect and contrary to our heterosexual practice.

We don't care for silicon-uphostered boobs, lower abdomens without full pubic hair, "clam shell" design of the labia, pseudo-vcalization of sexual exitement, position-packed and phallus-ramming thrusting scenes, exclusively external cum ("money") shots, and un-sensual oral sex scenes. That is not erotic and, therefore, arousing!

Will the porn industry ever learn to appeal to people like us, who have the interest and the means to pay for quality porn?

Perhaps, Like Betty, we need to take the initiative, and fund, create, and share this new vision we have of porn with the world ourselves. We can't rely on the mainstream porn industry fat-cats to deviate from a formula that keeps them getting paid.

I believe it often takes grass-roots movements to bring about true change in the way people think about something, and changing porn for the better would be an absolutely wonderful accomplishment (especially considering how largely it is consumed by all types of people).

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23 - M - Critical Relativist and Feminist (Equalist) - Canada

Dorssey

I rarely watch the "so-called" pron professionals.  I find that brand of porn predictable and boring.  I prefer amateurs and believe this is the part of porn that is really growing.  Just look at places like Voyeurweb that specialize in homegrown porn. 

Amateur porn inciudes small breasted women, even flat ones. You have to work at noticing that fact, because the flatter the amateur, the more she emphasizes her pussy and butt.

I dream of a world where commercial porn largely goes bust, because we're all awash in stuff by proud amateurs. I only wish more of the amateurs were over 30, but suspect that will emerge over time.

hi!
I was just reading your thoughts on porn! It has helped me to have another perspective on it. My boyfriend and I talked a lot about it and we decided to try our best to only watch porn together. We also decided (addressing your statement about how men are very visual) that we would make our own 'pornographic' pictures. This really helped us come closer, enjoying each others bodies, and to become (especially for me) more confident in ourselves! Just some ideas on how to make porn into something loving between two people who dont feel comfortable with comerical porn. Neither of us were really turned on by comercial porn so we could make something specific to our needs.
Just some ideas!
Thanks heaps.
Ps i had some troubles joining your website! i couldnt see a word to copy! it wasnt working ill try again later!

Great article! Most definitely looking forward to this new series!
Recently I've noticed that what I enjoy most in internet porn is the advent of actual female orgasms. Witnessing the intensity of a woman bringing herself to orgasm is not only arousing but fascinating; there is an air of mystery about it even for someone who has seen it or helped it along in reality. No two orgasms are alike!

That being said, seeing a woman masturbate with the intention of turning a guy on and not necessarily with the goal of orgasm in mind is always a bit dissappointing. I just end up feeling sorry for her. If she had her orgasm, everybody wins! Plus, I'm more likely not to notice if a woman (in porn or life) doesn't totally fit with my asthetic ideal if I feel I'm witnessing something genuine. There are so many reasons for women to know their bodies that have nothing to do with whether I get a boner or not, but I can't deny that it's a nice side-effect.

Plus, with masturbation (or queer sex for that matter), I'm much less likely to see something degrading than with the predominant heterocentric monster cock porn. I'm glad that with the internet I have had more of a choice in this than with the mainstream magazines of my teens. Not that mainstream porn doesnt have a place, but for me it belongs more to the category of comic relief than eroticism.