Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dr. Betty-

I wasn't brought up in an overly religious household, or made to go to church, or told that anything sexual was wrong. I masturbate almost every night and have wonderful fantasies constantly when I'm not occupied with something else. But I am a virgin still, and I'm starting to think there might be something wrong with that.

A lot of my friends and now my roommates talk to me about their relationships, and sometimes even ask me for advice, which I don't understand because I've never been there, I have no idea what to tell them most of the time. But what bothers me the most is that I'm treated like some weirdo because I've never had sex before. I always get that now-familiar "Really? Never? Wow..." Especially from my roomates, who I don't really consider my friends. One of them asked me if I knew what cum smelled like (long story, won't get into that), and the other said, "No, she's got no clue." And then they proceeded to talk about it like I wasn't there.

Now, like I said before, I wasn't raised with a ton of religion. I figure if I ever gave my parents something to worry about, it'd get brought up. But to me, and I might be romanticizing a bit because I've never done it, sex seems like the most personal thing you can do with someone. I don't want to just fuck somebody and get it over with. I would rather be single until I'm thirty than settle for some loser so I don't have to be alone. This is what causes problems between me and one of the girls I live with, and another that used to live with us. They just have sex with whoever they want to because it feels good. They don't understand what it's like for me... It's not so easy for all of us. I felt like the biggest loser when I had to explain, when asked why I'd never had sex before, that nobody ever wanted to have sex with me. And if they did, they were gross. Or my friend's drug-fried uncle.

I guess my question is... How should I feel about all this? It's not like I'm frigid, I've just never gotten off with anyone else present. I love men, I think they're wonderful, fascinating creatures, and half my friends are guys. But even my closest male friends would probably rather have sex with another dude than me. If it helps to get an image, I was once told I look like "Pete Doherty if he were a chubby Goth chick". In my daydreams (and sometimes my night dreams!) I can be pretty wild but as far as finding someone to share that with... I'm out of luck.

Thanks for the help.

Dear SD,

I hear you. Women can be so cruel to other women. I'm going to assume you are in your early twenties. For the record, masturbation is REAL sex so this "virgin" crap is just that, crap! Why do we define sex only in terms of procreation which is a penis inside a vagina? Sure guys love it cause they can come that way, but first-time partnersex can be awful for a woman and embarrassing for a guy with the blind leading the blind.

To prepare your vagina for when you feel like doing penetration sex, go to the section on my website under Betty's Vaginal Barbell. Read and follow the instructions for getting in touch with your PC muscle. Start including vaginal penetration along with your clitoral stimulation during masturbation. If you can't afford the Barbell, get a carrot or zucchini and wash it and peel it to the desired size. Personally, I got through hi-school enjoying manual sex with my BF. I didn't have intercourse until I was twenty. BFD! A lot of your girl freinds are just letting boys "stick it in" to be popular. They are NOT having orgasms with most casual sex or as they say now, "hooking up." You'll have partnersex when you meet the right person. Meanwhile enjoy your orgasms with yourself.

Dr. Betty